Mulan
by Tsubasa Hane
Summary: X-Men: Evolution meets Disney. What more could you ask for? Third in the MOVIE PARODY series.
1. You'll Bring Honor to Us All

Okay, so the plan *was* to do Nightmare Before Christmas next, but I'm having a bit of difficulty finding a proper transcript.  I may have to type out the entire thing myself, which I am NOT looking forward to.  Oh, well.  In the mean time, I figured it might be fun to mess around with a Disney Classic, particularly now that I've heard they're doing a sequel.  

Speaking of Disney Classics…anybody who hasn't already, I demand you go see the new "Peter Pan (2003)" movie.  Never has a remake outdone the original like this one has.  I saw it while I was in Florida, and it was AMAZING.__

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DISCLAIMER: The characters of _X-men: Evolution_ are not mine.  The movie _Mulan_ is not mine, just the DVD.  I am simply using them for my own, personal amusement.  Oh, and yours, of course.  The only thing I own in any possible way is Ryo, and I wonder about her sometimes….  
~~~~~~~~~~

"Mulan"  
A parody of Walt Disney's _Mulan _(duh!)  
Written and Directed by _DragonBlond_

_A Chinese guard is seen walking along The Great Wall.  His face is obstructed by an army helmet.  Suddenly, a large falcon swoops down and hits the guard, knocking his helmet off.  It's Arcade.  The falcon then lands on top of a flag pole in front of a full moon and lets out a large cry._

_One grappling hook comes over The Great Wall.  Arcade walks over to the edge and sees many grappling hooks coming towards him._

**Arcade: ***panicked* We're under attack!  Light the signal!

_He runs to the tower and up the ladder, just as Caliban and Sabertooth appear, trying to stop him.  Caliban breaks the ladder with his sword just as Arcade reaches the top.  Arcade picks up the torch to light the fire, and sees Apocalypse jump over the edge of the tower and look at him across from the caldron._

_Though petrified, Arcade throws the torch into the caldron, creating a large bonfire.  Apocalypse watches as lights appear in each caldron one by one, all across the Wall._

**Arcade:** *sternly* Now all of China knows you're here.

_Apocalypse takes the Chinese flag, holding it over the fire._

**Apocalypse:** Perfect.

_Cut to…the royal palace.  Large doors to the central chamber open as General Warren walks in, flanked on his left and right by various soldiers, and approaches Emperor Remy.  He bows out of respect, then looks up._

**Warren:** Your Majesty, the Huns have crossed our Northern border.

_Evan, who had been standing nearby, speaks up._

**Evan:** Impossible!  No one can get through The Great Wall.

_Remy motions for his silence, allowing Warren to continue._

**Warren:** Shun-Yu is leading them.  We'll set up defenses around your palace immediately.

**Remy:** *forcefully* No.  Send your troops to protect my people.  Chi Fu?

**Evan:** Yes, your highness.

**Remy:** Deliver conscription notices throughout all the provinces.  Call up reserves and as many new recruits as possible.

**Evan:** New Recruits?  I hardly think they've been trained enough for battle yet, sir.

_Remy sighs, and rubs the bridge of his nose._

**Remy:** Not those New Recruits.  I mean _new_ _recruits_.

**Evan:** Ah.  Gotcha.

_Warren steps forward._

**Warren:** Forgive me, Your Majesty, but I believe my troops can stop him.

**Remy:** I won't take any chances, General.  A single grain of rice can tip the scale.  One man may be the difference between victory and defeat.

_Cut to…Jubilee using her chopsticks to single out a grain of rice on the top of a large mound._

**Jubilee:** *dryly* Clever.

Just say your lines like a good little character.

**Jubilee:** Quite and demure…graceful…polite…

_She picks up some more rice with the chopstick, eating a mouthful before continuing._

**Jubilee:** …delicate…refined…poised…

_She sets her chopsticks down and write down one final word on her right arm._

**Jubilee:** Punctual.  …who came up with this stuff, anyway?

_A cock crows outside._

**Jubilee:** Aiya!  *calls out*  Little brother!  Little brother!  Little—

_Lockheed comes running up to her, wagging his little dragon tongue._

**Jubilee:** Ah, there you are.  Who's' the smartest doggie in the world?  Come on, smart boy.  Can you help me with my chores today?

_Jubilee ties a sack of grain around Lockheed's waist, then ties a stick so the end is in front of his face.  She puts a bone on the end of the stick, just out of reach.  As she opens the door, Lockheed runs into the door frame, the out the open door…passing by the chickens, and Khan—the family horse._

**Jubilee:** Using an actual character from the movie, are we now?  And here I thought you were gonna stick Jean in a costume, or something.

Well, that was the plan…'till I realized I need her later.

_Cut to…Jubilee's "father," Logan, kneeling and praying before the Fa family's ancestors._

**Logan:** Honorable ancestors, please help me get out of these stupid parodies.  My healing powers can only do so much…oh, yeah, and help Mulan impress the matchmaker today, too.

_He bows his head, remaining absolutely still.  Lockheed suddenly appears, running into the temple and around Logan before dashing back out again, scattering grain everywhere._

**Lockheed:** bark-bark-bark-bark-bark…

_The chickens fly into the temple and begin feeding on the grain._

**Logan:** Please, PLEASE help me—I mean—her!

_Jubilee steps up to the temple with a tray of tea and sees Lockheed on his hind legs trying to get the bone.  He's already fried it to a crisp.  Still, she bends the stick down so that he can reach it.  He gnaws on the charred bone happily, as Jubilee continues towards the temple._

**Jubilee:** *calling out* Father, I brought your—whoop!

_Logan bumps into her.  The cup falls to the ground, but he manages to catch the teapot with the handle of his cane._

**Logan:** *sighs* Mulan—

**Jubilee:** *quickly* I brought a spare.

_She pulls out another cup from the back of her dress and begins to pour the tea._

**Logan:** Mulan—

**Jubilee:** Remember, the doctor said three cups of tea in the morning—

**Logan:** Mulan—

**Jubilee:**—and three at night.

**Logan:** Mulan, you should already be in town.  We're counting on you to—

**Jubilee:** *finishes his sentence* Uphold the family honor.  Don't worry, father; I won't let you down.

_She covers over the writing on her arm with her sleeve._

**Jubilee:** Wish me luck!

_With that, she hurries back down the stairs._

_Logan watchers her leave, stares down at the tea, then reaches behind one of the statues and pulls out a flask.  He pours a few drops in the cup before pausing to think…and dumps the whole thing in.  Downing the whole thing in one gulp, he tosses the cup away, but is still uneased._

**Logan:** I'm going to…pray some more.

_He turns and walks back into the temple._

_Cut to…the town, where Ororo stands, looking worried._

_Ryo pokes her head out of the nearby building._

**Ryo:** Fa Li, is your daughter here yet?  The matchmaker is not a patient woman…and neither am I.

_She ducks back inside without waiting for an answer._

**Ororo:** *to herself* Of all days to be late…  I should have prayed to the ancestors for luck.

**Logan:** [off-screen] Got it covered.

**Ororo:** Not enough.

_Agatha suddenly walks in, carrying a large cage._

**Agatha:** Oh, how lucky can they be?  They're dead!  Besides, I've got all the luck we'll need.

_She holds up the cage, where a Cri-Kee Jamie is resting._

**Agatha:** *to Cri-Kee Jamie* This is your change to prove yourself.

**Jamie:** Chirp-chirp!

_Agatha covers her eyes, and steps into heavy traffic._

**Ororo:** Grandma, no!

_The traffic barely misses Agatha as she crosses the busy street.  Two horse and carriages collide causing a big accident.  Roadside havoc is wreaked.  But she arrives at the other side of the street harmless, uncovers her eyes and looks at Cri-Kee Jamie._

**Agatha:** *smiling* Yep, this cricket's a lucky one.

_Jamie passes out from fear._

**Ororo:** *sighing in relief* Hai.

_Ryo pokes her head out again._

**Ryo:** Foul!  "Hai" is Japanese, not Chinese.

_She disappears…again._

_Jubilee arrives on Khan, jumping over the recent accident in the street, and hops down with hay stuck in her hair._

**Jubilee:** I'm here!

_Ororo gives her a stern look._

**Jubilee:** …what?  But Mama, I had to…

**Ororo:** None of your excuses.  Now, let's get you cleaned up.

_They walk into the preparation area._

**cue music: "Honor To Us All"**

[Ryo begins to undress her behind a curtain, all the while taking note of what must be done.]

**Ryo:** _This is what you give me to work with?  
            Well, honey, I've seen worse.  
            We're gonna turn this sow's ear…_

**Jubilee:** Hey!

**Ryo:** _…into a silk purse._

[She moves the silk partition aside, showing Jubilee in the bathtub.]

**Jubilee:** Haven't these people ever heard of privacy?!  Not to mention, the water's freezing!

**Ororo:** Well, it would have been warm if you were here on time.

[Ryo starts to wash the younger girl's hair.]

**Ryo:** _We'll have you_ w_ashed and dried_  
            _Primped and polished_ _'till you glow with pride_  
            _Trust my recipe for instant bride._

**Jubilee:** "Just add water"?

*rimshot*

**Ryo:** *glaring slightly* _You'll bring honor to us all._

[Ororo grabs a sponge and Jubilee's right arm to start cleaning her, when she notices the writing.]

**Ororo:** Mulan, what's this?

[Jubilee pulls her arm back and bats her eyelashes innocently.]

**Jubilee:** Ahh…notes?  In case I forget something?

**Agatha:** *to Ororo* Here, hold this.  We'll need more luck than I thought.

[She hands the cricket to Ororo.  Jubilee looks on with an air of disappointment.]

[Cut to…the hairdressers.  Rogue is brushing and combing Jubilee's hair, much to her chagrin.]

**Rogue:** _Wait and see  
            When we're through_

[Wanda is doing the same as Rogue.]

**Wanda:** _Boys will gladly go to war for you._

**Rogue:** _With good fortune_

**Wanda:** _And a great hairdo_

[They finalize the hairdo, a traditional Chinese loose bun.]

**Rogue/Wanda:** _You'll bring honor to us all._

[Jubilee, following Ororo, passes a xiangqi (Chinese game) and pauses to make an impressive mood.  She has a smug look on her face, until Ororo comes back and drags her away.]

**Ororo & others:** _A girl can bring her family great honor in one way_  
                                    _By striking a good match…and this could be the day_

[Kitty, Rahne, and Ororo all help Jubilee get properly dressed.]

**Kitty:** _Men want girls with good taste._

**Rahne:** _Calm_

**Ororo:** _Obedient_

**Kitty:** _Who work fast-paced._

**Ororo:** _With good breeding_

**Rahne:** _And a tiny waist._

[Rahne pulls the corset under Jubilee's dress TIGHT.]

**Jubilee:** Can't…breathe…pain…ow…

**Kitty/Rahne/Ororo:** _You'll bring honor to us all_

**Jubilee:** Man, Kiera Knightley wasn't kidding.  "You like pain?  Try wearing a corset." Indeed!

[As Jubilee is once again following Ororo, she sees Leech stealing a doll from Torpid.  Grabbing it back, she returns the doll to its proper owner.  Torpid smiles thankfully at her.]

**Chorus:** _We all must serve our Emperor  
            Who guards us from the Huns  
            A man by bearing arms  
            A girl by bearing sons_

**Jubilee: **Hey, waitasec…

**Ororo:** *shrugs* Just go with it.

[Jubilee sits in a chair as Tabby does her makeup.  Powder, lipstick, eyeliner…the works.]

**Tabby:** _When we're through, you can't fail  
            Like a lotus blossom, soft and pale  
            How could any fellow say "no sale"?  
            You'll bring honor to us all_

[Tabby holds a mirror so Jubilee can see her reflection.]

**Jubilee:** …I look like a Geisha.

**Tabby:** That's the point.

[Not satisfied, Jubilee takes a single, short bang and brings it down in front of her forehead.  Unfortunately, Ororo places a hair comb at the last minute, pushing back the bang.]

**Ororo:** There.  You're ready.

**Agatha:** Not yet!

[One by one, she gives Jubilee a bunch of random objects.]

**Agatha:** An apple for serenity…a pendant for balance…*sings* _beads of jade for beauty….  
            You must proudly show it_

[She lifts Jubilee's chin high with one hand]

**Agatha:** _Now add a cricket just for luck._

[She places the cage with Cri-Kee Jamie under Jubilee's sash in the back.  Jamie doesn't look too pleased.]

**Agatha:** _…and even you can't blow it._

**Jubilee:** *sarcastically* Thanks for having such confidence in me.

[Heading down the street, she rushes to catch up with the other four maidens—Amara, Amanda, X23, and Danielle.]

**Jubilee: **_Ancestors, hear my plea_  
            _Help me not to make a fool of me_  
            _And to not uproot my fam'ly tree_  
            _Keep my father standing tall._

[Ororo hands her a parasol as she runs to fall in line with the others.]

**J/A/A/X/D:** _Scarier than the undertaker._  
                        _We are meeting our matchmaker._

**Jubilee:** *sings* Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…

**A/A/X/D:** Wrong movie.

[The townspeople gather to watch them along.]

**Townspeople:** _Destiny, guard our girls_  
                        _And our future as it fast unfurls_  
                        _Please look kindly on these cultured pearls_  
                        _Each a perfect porcelain doll_

**X23:** *glaring* I do not find this amusing…

**Amara:** _Please bring honor to us…_

**Amanda:** _Please bring honor to us…_

**X23:** _Please bring honor to us…_

**Danielle:** _Please bring honor to us…_

**All:** _Please bring honor to us all!_

[The five girls all arrive at the matchmaker's house, form a line, open their parasols and crouch down.]

**end song**

* * * * *

And so the insanity begins again, _minna_!  ^_~  Now that _Primary Colors_ has FINALLY been updated, I'll try for once a week updates.  Maybe sooner.  My schedule is kinda up in the air right now.  Until next time!

R+R.  You know you wanna…


	2. Reflection

Ooh…look at all the pretty reviews!  ^_^ I feel so loved.  That's why, even though I _should_ be working on my Creative Writing final project that's due tomorrow, I decided to post up one more chapter this weekend.  Can't very well post _during_ the week, after all, and I know you're just _dying_ to read more.

One more thing: _please_ refrain from executing revenge against characters until the fic ends.  I kinda need 'em.  Thank you.

*          *          *          *          *          *

_Jean stands before the girls, holding a clipboard and looking extremely uptight._

**Jean:** Fa Mulan

_Jubilee jumps up excitedly, raising her hand._

**Jubilee:** Present!

**Jean:** *takes note* Speaking without permission….

_Jubilee smacks her forehead._

**Jubilee:** Oops.

_Agatha leans over and whispers to Ororo._

**Agatha:** Who spit in her bean curd?

_Jubilee slowly walks into the Matchmaker's building, with Jean following closely behind.  The door is shut, leaving the crowd outside to wait._

**Danielle:** …who's up for a game of five-card stud?

**Amara/Amanda/X23:** We're in.

_Inside the house, Jean circles Jubilee like a vulture, taking note of every last detail._

**Jean:** Huh…hmm…too skinny.

_Cri-Kee Jamie suddenly escapes from his cage.  Jubilee sees this and struggles to catch him.  Jean is, of course, oblivious._

**Jean:** Hmph.  Not good for bearing sons.

**Jubilee:** *weakly* How about bearing daughters?

_While Jean's back is still to her, Jubilee manages to grab Cri-Kee Jamie, stuffing him in her mouth as Jean turns around._

**Jean:** Recite the final admonition.

**Jubilee:** Mm-hmm.

_She takes out her fan, covering her mouth so she can spit Cri-Kee Jamie out._

**Jamie:** *mutters obscenities in Cricket*

**Jean:** Well?

**Jubilee:** Fulfill your duties calmly and re…f—

_She glances at the smeared writing on her arm._

**Jubilee:** —spectfully.  Reflect before you snack—er—act.  *rapidly* This shall bring you honor and glory.

_Fanning herself swiftly, she sighs in relief._

**Jubilee:** And I thought Vocabulary was hard.

_Jean snatches the fan and inspects both sides of the fan, looking for notes of any kind.  _

**Jubilee:** Where's the trust?  Huh?

_She finds none.  Jubilee smiles innocently as Jean looks at her.  Then Jean grabs her right arm, pulling her along while unknowingly smearing the writing and leaving some ink on her hand._

_They come to a table, where Jean pushes a teapot towards Jubilee._

**Jean:** Now, pour the tea.  To please your future in-laws, you must demonstrate a sense of dignity and refinement.

**Jubilee:** …I'm screwed.

_Sure enough, Jubilee accidentally spills some tea on the table when the sight of Jean painting a beard/moustache on her own face with the ink causes her to lose concentration, but notices her mistake and gets the rest of it into the cup._

**Jean:** You must also be poised.

_She picks up the cup to drink.  But Jubilee notices the Cri-Kee Jamie sitting in it._

**Jubilee:** *timidly* Um, pardon me.

**Jean:** AND SILENT!

_She sniffs the tea._

**Jubilee:** Could I just take that back…one moment?

_Jubilee reaches for and grabs the teacup.  The two girls struggle for it, until it flips over, spilling on Jean…just as Cri-Kee Jamie jumps down the matchmaker's dress._

**Jamie:** CHIRP-CHIRP-CHIRP!

Yeah, well, same to you.

**Jean:** *angrily, to Jubilee* Why, you clumsy…

_She suddenly feels Cri-Kee Jamie in her dress, and starts dancing around.  This causes her to knock over the nearby pot of coals, which she sits on, then jumps up screaming, running all around the room with her butt smoking._

_In between fits of laughter, Jubilee grabs her fan and briskly tries to fan the charred area on Jean's—er—behind.  This causes it to flame up._

**Jubilee:** …oops?

_Outside, we see Ororo and Agatha still watching the building closely, looking for any signs.  They come in the form of a thin trail of smoke rising from the windows, and a hell of a lot of screaming._

_In the background, we see the other four Geisha-girls sitting in a circle, playing cards._

**Amanda:** *to X23* Got a six?

**X23:** Go hunting.

**Amara:** You mean _fishing_.

**X23:** Your choice.

_As another ear-peircing screaming comes from the house, followed by a lot of crashes, Agatha turns to Ororo._

**Agatha:** I think it's going well, don't you?

_Back inside, Jean is running around screaming like a maniac._

**Jean:** Put it out!  Put it out!  MY HAIR!

_Jubilee quickly takes the teapot, and throws it on Jean to put out the fire._

_Seconds later, we see Jean all but throw Jubilee out of the house.  Jubilee lands on the floor, hair mussed and clothes slightly charred around the edges, before turning around to look at Jean._

**Jean:** *angrily* You are a DISGRACE!  

_She throws the teapot down in fury, smashing it to pieces._

**Jean:** You may look like a bride, but you will NEVER bring your family honor!

_She slams the door shut._

**Jubilee:** …now I know why you needed Jean.  Geez, what a grouch!

Don't act like that wasn't fun.

**Jubilee:** *trying not to smile* Well, maybe a _little_….

_Many of the townsfolk who have gathered begin to whisper and walk away, leaving Jubilee looking down dejectedly._

_Cut to…Jubilee walking through the gate to her home, leading Khan.  She looks extremely sorrowful._

_Logan sees his "daughter" and smiles hopefully.  But when Jubilee sees him, she covers her face with Khan's head shamefully, and leads the horse to the nearby water trough._

**cue music: "Reflection"**

[As Khan drinks, Jubilee stares down at her reflection in the water.]

**Jubilee:** _Look at me._  
            _I will never pass for a perfect bride._

[She takes off her hearings, and the jade beads.]

            _Or a perfect daughter._

[Over to one side, Ororo is relating what happed at the Matchmaker's to Logan.]

_Can it be_  
            _I'm not meant to play this part?_

[Jubilee gently releases Cri-Kee Jamie back into the wild]

            _Now I see_  
            _That if I were truly to be myself_  
            _I would break my family's heart_

[She hops along the bridge railing, before coming to a pond and seeing her own reflection.]

            _Who is that girl I see_  
            _Staring straight back at me?_

[She places one hand on the Great Stone Dragon, and looks towards the temple.]

            _Why is my reflection someone_  
            _I don't know?_

[Cri-Kee Jamie rows across the pond on a lilly pad]

            _Somehow, I cannot hide_

[Jubilee walks into the family temple.]

            _Who I am_  
            _Though I've tried._

[Cri-Kee Jamie watches her, seeing multiple reflections of herself in the ancestors' stones as she bows to them.]

            _When will my reflection show_  
            _Who I am inside?_

[She finishes wiping off the rest of her Geisha makeup, seeing her own reflection in the stones.]

            _When will my reflection show_  
            _Who I am inside?_

[As the music fades out, she gets up and heads out of the temple.]

**end music**

_Jubilee sits on a bench under the blossom tree.  Logan approaches her, clearing his throat.  But when she sees him coming, she turns her head away._

_Logan sits down beside her and looks upward at the tree._

**Logan:** My, my, what beautiful blossoms we have this year.  But look…this one's late.

_He motions towards a small flower that has not bloomed yet._

**Logan:** But I'll bet that when it blooms, it will be the most beautiful of all.

_The two share a smile._

_Drums start pounding from a distance, announcing the arrival of Evan…accompanied by Ray and Sam on horseback._

**Jubilee:** What is it?

_Logan gets up and walks to the entrance of their house, with Jubilee following._

**Logan:** Mulan, stay inside.

**Jubilee:** Nuts to that; I wanna see!

_But Agatha clears her throat, catching Jubilee's attention, and motions inside.  That's when Jubilee spots the railing near the wall and climbs up to watch over the roof._

**Evan:** Citizens, I bring you a proclamation from the Imperial City.  The Huns have invaded China!

**Townspeople:** *monotonous* Oh, no.

**Evan:** Come on, people.  Let's try to act a _little_ more terrified, shall we?

_The townspeople scream in terror, so loudly that the sheer force of the sound almost knocks the boys off their horses._

**Evan:** That'll do.  *clears throat* By order of the Emperor, one man from every family must serve in the Imperial Army.

_He begins to read from a list._

**Evan:** The Xiao family.

_Roberto steps forward, bows to the guards, and takes the conscription notice from Ray._

**Evan:** The Yi family.

_Scott holds his father back, stepping forward._

**Scott:** I will serve the Emperor in my father's place.

**Evan:** Whatever.  The Fa family.

**Jubilee:** No!

_Logan hands his cane to Ororo, and limps towards Evan, bowing before the horsemen.  He stands proudly._

**Logan:** I am ready to serve the Emperor.

_He reaches for the conscription notice, but Jubilee runs outside to keep him from taking it._

**Jubilee:** Father, you can't go.

**Logan:** Mulan!

**Jubilee:** *to Evan* Please, sir, my father has already fought bravely—

**Evan:** Silence!  *to Logan* You would do well to teach your daughter to hold her tongue in a man's presence.

**Jubilee:** Don't make me come up there, Daniels.

_Logan turns away from her._

**Logan:** Mulan, you dishonor me.

_Agatha guides a saddened Jubilee back to the house as Evan hands Logan the conscription notice._

**Evan: **Report tomorrow at the Wu Shu camp.

**Logan:** Yes, sir.

_He walks back to the house, refusing to take back his cane from Ororo._

**Logan:** *mutters* Taking orders from the Porcupine now…it can't get much more humiliating than this….

_Cut to…late at night, where Logan is in his armory.  Taking out a large sword, he begins to practice his stances.  When he balances on his right leg, however, an old injury acts up and he falls._

**Logan:** I was wrong.  It can.

_Unbeknownst to him, Jubilee watches on in horror.  She breathes heavily out of fear for him._

_Cut to…dinner.  Logan, Agatha, Ororo, and Jubilee eat in absolute silence.  Thunder can be heard and lightning can be seen through the opaque window._

_Jubilee pours the tea for her family.  Much better than at the Matchmaker's, mind you.  She slams her teacup down on the table and stands up._

**Jubilee:** You shouldn't have to go.

**Logan:** Mulan!****

**Agatha:** Hey, what about my tea?

**Jubilee:** There are plenty of young men to fight for China.

**Agatha:** Getting' kinda thirsty over here.

**Logan:** It is an honor to protect my country and my family.

**Jubilee:** *angrily* So you'll die for honor?!

**Logan:** *standing up and angered*  I will DIE doing what's right.

_Agatha gives up, and pours the tea herself._

**Jubilee:** But if you—

**Logan:** I know my place.  It is time you learned yours.

_Jubilee looks like she about to cry.  She turns away from Logan and runs out into the rainstorm, crying._

_Cut to…Jubilee sitting at the base of the Great Stone Dragon in the rain.  She looks down to see her reflection in a puddle, then watches her parents in their bedroom.  Logan turns away from Ororo and walks out of sight.  Ororo blows out the candle._

_Jubilee gets up and walks to the family temple.  Her image reflects off the stone tablets as she lights some incense, placing the match in a nearby hanging incense holder.  She bows and prays to her ancestors._

**Jubilee:** God bless Mommy and Daddy and Grandma…

_Getting up, she hurries down the steps._

_Cri-Kee Jamie pokes his head up, seeing her hop down from above, and follows her._

_Jubilee sneaks into Logan and Ororo's bedroom, taking the conscription notice.  She replaces it with the hair comb her mother gave to her.  Pausing to give them a loving, sorrowful look, she hurries out._

_Cut to…Jubilee in the armory.  She opens the cabinet, displaying the armor._

_With a quick slice of the sword, she cuts her hair short—_

**Jubilee:** I do WHAT?!

Oh, come on…I chopped off seven inches of my own hair just last June!  It'll grow back.

**Jubilee:** *grumbles*

_…and ties it above her head, before putting on the rest of the armor.  It ties in the front.  She takes the sword and places it in the scabbard._

_Cut to…Jubilee in the stable doorway.  Khan rears back in fright at the sight of her, but she comforts him and lets him know her identity.  She walks him out of the stable, with Cri-Kee Jamie watching from the ground as she passes by._

_She takes one last glances back at her parents' bedroom before mounting Khan, riding him through the gate and off to the camp._

_Cut to…the face of one of the Fa family temple statues.  The eyes begin to glow._

_Cut to…Agatha.  She wakes up with a start and rises out of bed, running into Logan and Ororo's bedroom._

**Agatha:** Mulan is gone!

_They both wake immediately._

**Logan:** What?  It can't be…

_He looks to his nightstand, noticing the comb in place of his conscription notice.  He runs to the cabinet and sees his armor gone.  Calling her name, he hurries outside._

**Logan:** Mulan!

_He stumbles while walking because of his injured leg._

**Logan:** No…

_Ororo kneels down beside him, overwrought with worry._

**Ororo:** You must go after her.  She could be killed!

**Logan:** *sadly* If I reveal her, she will be.

_The two embrace, as Agatha looks upwards._

**Agatha:** Ancestors, hear our prayer.  Watch over Mulan__

*          *          *          *          *          *

Next: we finally meet our beloved Mushu, a well as a mess of crazy ancestors.  I'm gonna enjoy writing this next chapter.  ^_^

R+R.  You know you wanna…. 


	3. Enter Mushu

Okay, so the plan _was_ to wait until the weekend…but I'm in such a good mood because _I got into my first choice college today!_  Just got the acceptance letter when my mom picked me up @ 2:oo.  Major wootness for me!  ^_^ And for you, of course, 'cause you're getting a new chapter six days early.

*          *          *          *          *          *

_Cut to…the Fa family temple.  A gust of wind blows out the incense at the base of the center stone, which begins to glow as Ancestor Magneto comes to life. He motions to a bronze dragon._

**Magneto:** Mushu, awaken!

_A strange glow surrounds the bronze dragon…and Pyro suddenly appears.  He falls to the ground flat on his back, all being obscured by smoke._

**Pyro:** I live!  So tell me what mortal needs my protection, Great Ancestor.  You just say the word and I'm there!

**Magneto:** *agitated* Mushu!

**Pyro:** Hey, let me say something.  Anybody who is foolish enough to threaten our family, vengeance will be mine!  You hear me?  All MINE!!!

_He starts cackling in that psycho way we all love so much, complete with a lightning bolt and roar of thunder in the background._

_Magneto looks like he's about to pop a vein.  He motions to a group of stone statues on pedestals near the ceiling._

**Magneto:** Mushu!  _These_ are the family guardians.  They…

**Pyro:** *dejectedly* Protect the family.

**Magneto:** And you, oh demoted one?

**Pyro:** I…light the bonfire?

**Magneto:** Try again.

**Pyro:** I…ring the gong.

**Magneto:**  That's right.  Now, wake up the ancestors.

_He tosses Pyro a small gong and mallet._

**Pyro:** One family reunion coming right up.  Okay, people…look alive, let's go!  C'mon, get up.  Let's move it, rise and shine…you're way past the beauty sleep thing now, trust me!

_One by one, the statues all come to life._

**Raven:** I knew it, I knew it.  That Mulan was a troublemaker from the start!

**Mesmero:** Don't look at me; she gets it from _your_ side of the family.

**Xavier:** She's just trying to help her father.

**Irene:** But, if she is discovered, Fa Zhou will be forever shamed.  Dishonor will come to the family.  Traditional values will disintegrate.

**Raven:** In other words…same-old, same-old, huh?

**Mastermind:** Not to mention, they'll lose the farm.

**Raven:** *dramatically* NOOOOOOOOOO…wait, is that bad?

**Beast:** My children never caused such trouble.  They all because acupuncturists.

**Mesmero:** Well, we can't all be acupuncturists.

**Magneto:** No, your great granddaughter had to be a cross-dresser!

_They all start arguing at once._

**Mastermind:** Let a guardian bring her back.

_Xavier grabs Pyro, bringing him to one of the guardians._

**Xavier:** Yeah.  Awaken the most cunning.

_Just when he is about to, Mastermind grabs him and pulls him to a stone rabbit guardian._

**Mesmero:** No, the swiftest.

**Mastermind:** No, the wisest.

_HE pulls Pyro to the guardian of a stone monkey._

**Mesmero: **Leave your side of the family out of this.

**Magneto:** SILENCE!  We must send the most powerful of all.

_He motions to the Great Stone Dragon, seen through the window.  Pyro obeys, and climbs up the empty post laughing smugly._

**Pyro:** Ho, ho, heh, heh.  Okay, okay…I get the drift.  I'll go.

_The Ancestors stare at him for a few seconds before they burst out laughing._

**Pyro:** Humph.  You all don't think I can do it.  Watch this here.

_He pulls out his lighter, and proceeds to make a mile-high flame._

**Pyro:** Ah ha!  Jump back, I'm pretty hot, huh?  Don't make me have to singe nobody to prove no point.

_Magneto grabs him, pulling him away from the post._

**Magneto:** You had your chance to protect the Fa family.

**Beast:** Your mis-guidance led Fa Deng to disaster.

_They all turn to see Principal Kelley sitting off to one side, his head in his lap._

**Kelley:** Yeah.  Thanks a _lot._

**Pyro:** I dunno.  That's kinda a good look for you.

_He snickers.  Kelley tries to get up, but can't because he finds himself glued to the seat._

**Magneto:** The point is, we will be sending a _real_ dragon to retrieve Mulan.

**Pyro:** Real dragon?  What am I, a kimono?

_Magneto pulls him away from the guardian post, as Pyro tries to hold on._

**Magneto:** You are not worthy of this spot.  Now, awaken the Great Stone Dragon.

_He throws Pyro out of the temple._

**Pyro:** *calls out* So…you'll get back to me on the job thing?

_His answer is a gong thrown in his face._

**Pyro:** YOW!  A simple "no" would suffice…

_He walks with a slouch and starts banging the gong on the ground._

**Pyro:** Just one chance, is that too much to ask?  Okay, so I may have barbecued one of two charges…but where's the faith, people?  Huh?

_He rings louder upon reaching the Great Stone Dragon._

**Pyro:** Yo, rocky, wake up!  You gotta go fetch Mulan.

_Pause._

_Nothing happens._

**Pyro:** C'mon boy.  Go get her.  Go on.

_He tosses the gong stick off-screen and whistles._

**Pyro:** Fetch boy, fetch!

_Still nothing.  He climbs up on the statue to yell in its ear._

**Pyro:** Grrr, grr…hello?  Hellooooooooooo?

_He takes the gong and bands it on the head, accidentally breaking the ear off._

**Pyro:** …that can't be good.

_Seconds later, the entire structure crumbles to the ground.  Only the earless head is left [almost] intact._

**Pyro:** Oh, man, I'm deader than they are.

_Magneto calls out through the temple window._

**Magneto:** Great Stone Dragon, have you awakened?

_The head of the Great Stone Dragon appears, being held up by Pyro._

**Pyro:** *deep voice* Uh, yes.  I just woke up.  And I am the Great Stone Dragon, yes I am.  Good morning!  I will go and fetch Mulan now.  Did I mention that I was the Great Stone Dragon?  'Cause I am.

**Magneto:** Okay, that's enough.  Go…the fate of the Fa family rests in your claws.

**Pyro:** Don't even worry about it.  I will not lose face.

_Pyro falls down the hill under the weight of the Great Stone Dragon's head and lands on the pedestal._

**Pyro:** Oh, my elbow.  Someone's been cheating on his diet these past few decades.

_He pushes off the pieces of stone._

**Pyro:** That's just great.  Now what?  I'm doomed!  And all 'cause Miss man decides to take her little drag show on the road.

_Cri-Kee Jamie hops into the screen from the right._

**Jamie:** Chirp.  Chirp.

**Pyro:** Chirp chirp?  Speak English, boy.

_Jamie sighs and hands him a Cri-Kee/English dictionary._

**Jamie:** CHIRP.  CHIRP.

**Pyro:**  Go get her?  What's the matter with you?  After this great stone Humpty Dumpty mess, I'd have to bring her home with a medal to get back in the temple…wait a minute, that's it!  I make Mulan a war hero, then they'll be begging me to come back to work.  That's the master plan.  Oh, you've gone and done it now…

_He starts to run off, but Jamie follows._

**Jamie:** Chirp.  Chirp chirp chirp.

**Pyro:** Who said you're coming along?  I work alone, thank you.

**Jamie:** Chirp chirp.

**Pyro:** You're lucky?  Ho ho, heh.  Do I look like a sucker to you?  …don't answer that.

**Jamie:** Chirp.

**Pyro:** Whach' you mean, "loser"?  How 'bout I pop one of your antennas off and throw it across the yard.  Then who's a loser, me or you?

**Jamie:** Chirp.

**Pyro:** …I don't like you.

_Cut to…Apocalypse leading his army at a charge on horseback through a forest.  He stops and motions to the right.  Poitr, Juggernaut, and Sabertooth dismount and walk into the forest, emerging with Sam and Ray._

**Sabertooth:** Imperial Scouts.

**Ray:** *nervously* Scouts?  No, we were just…ah…

**Sam:** Bird watching.

_Ray looks at him oddly, before turning back and nodding._

**Ray:** Yeah, that's it.

_Apocalypse dismounts and walks towards the two of them._

**Ray:** Shan-Yu.

_He crouches down in front of them and adjusts Sam's collar before motioning to the soldiers on horseback._

**Apocalypse:** Nice work, gentlemen.  You found the Hun army.

_The Huns start laughing._

**Ray:** The Emperor will stop you.

**Apocalypse:** Stop me?  He invited me.  By building his wall, he challenged my strength.  Well, I'm here to play his game.

_Pointing his sword at Ray, he allows him to get up and run, calling out._

**Apocalypse:** Go!  Tell your emperor to send his strongest armies.  I'm ready.

_Ray disappears from sight, leaving Sam._

**Sam:** When I get my hands on you, Crisp…

_Apocalypse scratches his chin._

**Apocalypse:** How many men does it take to deliver a message?

**Poitr:** Ooh, I love riddles!  Let's see…

_While he starts counting on his fingers, Sabertooth grins evilly as he brandishes his claws._

**Sabertooth:** One.

_Cut to…Jubilee on a hill outside of the camp.  Khan is sitting, watching her cautiously._

**Jubilee:** Okay, okay.  How about this?  Ahem.  *manly voice* Excuse me, where do I sign in?  Hah, I see you have a sword.  I have one too.  They're very manly and tough and…

_She bites her lip as she mishandles, pulling the sword out of the scabbard only to have it fall to the ground._

**Jubilee:** Aww, goldurnit!

_Khan rolls on his back with laughter.  Jubilee throws her shoe at him, hitting the horse in the head.  It silences him._

**Jubilee:** Give me a break…'s not like I've ever posed as a man before.  I'm working on it!  *sighs* …who' am I fooling?  It's gonna take a miracle to get me in the army.

_Suddenly, a giant shadow appears on the rock, with flames on either side._

**Pyro's voice:** *Southern Baptist Preacher imitation* Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?  Let me hear you say, "aye"!

**Jubilee:** Ahhhh!

**Pyro's voice:** Close enough!  Get ready, Mulan, your serpentine salvation is at hand.  For I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade…

_He notices Cri-Kee Jamie making a hand shadow of a dragon on the rock, and tries to stomp him with one foot._

**Pyro:** *whispers to Jamie* C'mon…you're gonna stay, you're gonna work.

_He straightens back up to speak to Jubilee._

**Pyro's voice:** Heed my word, 'cause if the army finds out that you are a girl, the penalty is death.

_Big flames shoot up from the rocks for dramatic effect._

**Jubilee:** …Pyro?

_Pyro steps out from behind the rock._

**Pyro:** Aww…what gave me away?  Was it the fire?  'Cause I was going for big, scary fire-breathing dragon, but the big and scary could've worked on their own.

_Jubilee bends down to look at him, eyebrow raised._

**Jubilee:** My ancestors sent a little lizard to help me?

**Pyro:** Hey.  Dragon.  _Dra_gon.  Not lizard.  I don't do that tongue thing.

_He flips out his tongue to show Jubilee what he means._

**Jubilee:** You're…uh…

**Pyro:** Intimidating?  Awe inspiring?

_She makes a hand gesture to denote his smallness of size._

**Jubilee:** Tiny.

**Pyro:** *disappointed* Oh.  O-of course.  I'm travel size for your convenience.  If I was my real size, your cow here—

_He pets Khan on the nose._

**Pyro:** —would die of fright.

_Khan tries to bite him.  He quickly pulls his hand away and points downward._

**Pyro:** Down, Bessy.  My powers are beyond your mortal imagination.  For instance, I can see straight through your armor…

_He leans in and stares at Jubilee's chest, earning a good slap._

**Pyro:** Ow!  All right, that's it!  Dishonor!  Dishonor on your whole family.  Dishonor on you.  Dishonor on your cow.  Dis—

**Jubilee:** Stop!  I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

_She kneels down in front him._

**Jubilee:** I'm just nervous.  I've never done this before.

**Pyro:** I should think not.  You're gonna have to trust me, a'ight?  And don't you slap me no more, we clear on that?

_She nods._

**Pyro:** All right.  Okey dokey.  Let's get this show on the road.  Cri-Kee, get the bags.

_Jamie nods, and Pyro starts heading towards the camp.  He glances back towards the horse._

**Pyro:** Let's move it, heifer.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

Yeah, a bit short compared to the other two…but then again, no musical number AND six days early.  The next chapter will be up on Friday.  After all…gotta do my homework _some_ time, don't I?

Next time: We meet the three lovable but idiotic soldiers.  And our Li Shang.  

R+R.  You know you wanna….


	4. I'll Make a Man Out of You

Can this week get any better?  We got a major snowstorm last night, and practically all of Long Island gets a snow day!  Huzzah!  I'm using my valuable time to start shopping for dorm room supplies.  And while I'm at it, why not end the suspense, and bring on the next scene?  

Oh, and did I mention this is one of my favorite chapters, as well as my favorite music number? ^_~

*          *          *          *          *          *

_Cut to…Jubilee at the camp's entrance.  Pyro hides inside of her armor, poking his head out from her back to speak._

**Pyro:** Okay, this is it.  Time to show 'em your man walk. Shoulders back, chest high, feet apart, head up…and strut-2-3—break it down-2-2…and work it, work it.

**Jubilee:** I feel ridiculous.

**Pyro:** That just means you're doing it right.  

_She walks into the camp, drawing attention from any guy who sees her.  Ignoring them, she heads straight into the closest tent.  Two Duncan flunkies are off to one side.  One picks his nose as the others picks dirt from between his toes with chopsticks._

_Pyro dramatically wipes a tear from his eye._

**Pyro:** Beautiful, isn't it?

**Jubilee:** Ugh.  They're disgusting.

_She makes a face of disgust and continues to walk._

**Pyro:** No, they're men.  And you're going to have to act just like them, so pay attention.

_Jubilee stops to watch Lance, Pietro, Fred, and Todd, who is showing the first three a kick-ass tattoo of a dragon on his chest and belly._

**Pyro:** Biased, are we now?

Naturally.

**Todd:** *to boys* Look here.  This tattoo will protect me from harm.

_Lance thinks for a moment, then punches Todd in the stomach.  However, his hand bounces off the tattoo, sending him flying._

**Todd:** Told ya.

**Lance:** THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!

Bias.  Duh.

**Todd:** I feel so loved.

Not you.  The dragon tattoo.

_Pietro and Fred stand off to the side, laughing uncontrollably._

**Jubilee:** I don't think I can do this.

**Pyro:** Sure you can.  It's all in the attitude.  Be tough, like this guy here.

_He points to Todd, just as the amphibian mutant snaps a fly mid-air with his tongue._

**Pyro:** …okay, maybe not _that_ tough.

_As Todd hops off, the remaining three notice Jubilee._

**Lance:** What are you looking at?

**Pyro:** *whispers to Jubilee* Punch him.  It's how men say 'hello.'

_Jubilee looks at her fist, then punches Lance from behind on the shoulder.  The force causes him to run into Fred._

**Fred:** Oh, Yao, you made a friend.

**Pyro:** *whispers to Jubilee* Good, now slap him on the behind.

**Jubilee:** Not on your life.

_Lance recovers from his fall and grabs Jubilee by the collar, angry._

**Lance:** I'm going to hit you so hard it'll make your ancestors dizzy.

_Fred, in turn, picks up Lance._

**Fred:** Yao, relax and chant with me.  Yaaaaa  Moouuuu Ahhhhhh Doooooou Fuuuu Daaaaaa.

**Lance:** Ya Mi Ah To Fu Da.

**Fred:** Feel better?

**Lance:** Actually…I do.

_Fred places him back on the ground.  Lance dusts himself off before walking off._

**Lance:** *calls back* Aaaa, you ain't worth my time chicken boy.

**Pyro:** *loudly* Chicken boy!?  Say that to my face, ya limp noodle!

**Jubilee:** You.  Not helping.

_Lance grabs Jubilee by the collar, thinking it was her who said it, and pulls back his arm to punch.  Jubilee ducks, and Lance hits Pietro instead._

**Lance:** Oh.  Sorry, Ling.  Hey!

_He grabs Jubilee by the foot as she starts to crawl away.  Pietro kicks him in the butt, causing him to land on Fred's stomach.  Pietro them jump-attacks Jubilee, but she ducks just in time.  He lands on top of Lance, on top of Fred._

**Pietro:** You're dead.

_They fight on top of Fred.  Jubilee takes the opportunity to run away.  Pietro notices this, then points to her._

**Pietro:** There he goes!

_She runs into a tent, then stops.  Lance, Pietro, and Fred (in that order) run through the tent.  Lance stops short as he is about to run into Todd, who was in line for food.  He looks behind him with concerned eyes just as Pietro stops in time.  However, Fred bumps into Pietro, who bumps into Lance, who bumps into Todd…creating a domino effect of soldiers in line all falling over.  Chaos ensues._

_The men all look to the back of the line, and spy Jubilee, who has emerged from the tent.  They angrily start walking toward her.  She has a look of horror on her face, as if trouble is about to brew_

**Jubilee:** *nervously* H-hey, guys.  How's the food today?

_Meanwhile, Evan watches everything unfold before walking into another tent.  Warren and Bobby are already there, the former motioning with his pointer to a map of the region._

**Warren:** The Huns have struck here, here…and here.  I will take the main troops up to the Tung Shao Pass and stop Shan-Yu before he destroys this village.

**Evan:** Excellent strategy, Sir.  I do love surprises.  Ha-ha-ha-ha.

**Warren:** *to Bobby* You will stay here and train the new recruits.  When Chi Fu believes you're ready, you will join us…Captain.

_He hands Bobby a beautifully-crafted sword._

**Bobby:** Captain?

**Evan:** Oh, this is an enormous responsibility, General. Uh…perhaps a soldier with more experience—

**Warren:** Number one in his class.  Extensive knowledge of training techniques.  An impressive military lineage.  I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job.

**Bobby:** *excitedly* Oh, I will.  I won't let you down.  This is…I mean, I…*somberly* Yes, sir.

_Warren gets up and starts heading out of the tent._

**Warren:** Very good, then.  We'll toast China's victory at the Imperial City.

_He turns briefly to Evan._

**Warren:** I'll expect a full report in three weeks.

_Evan grins, speaking more to Bobby than Warren._

**Evan:** And I won't leave _anything_ out.

_Bobby is, of course, too excited to be worried at the moment.  He immediately ties his sword to his belt._

**Bobby:** *to himself* Captain Li Shang…hmm.  Leader of China's finest troops.  No.  The greatest troops of all time!  Heh, heh, heh, heh.

_He heads out of the ten in time to see the recruits all fighting, standing to the left of Evan and Warren.  Sam, clearly injured but alive, sees General Warren and salutes…just before he falls to the ground.  Warren steps over him and mounts his horse._

**Evan:** *sarcastically* Most impressive.

**Warren:** Good luck, Captain.

_Warren and a number of mounted troops all leave the camp._

**Bobby:** *softly* Good luck, Father.

_He takes a good look at his troop and sighs.  Evan smirks, with a board and brush in hand._

**Evan:** Day one.

**Bobby:** SOLDIERS!

_All the recruits back away at the sound of his voice, revealing and pointing to Jubilee.  She is crouching in the fetal position on the ground._

**All Recruits:** He did it!

**Jubilee:** Tattletales.

_Bobby approaches the girl, and looks down over her.  Jubilee looks up, sees Bobby looming over her, and quickly gets up, dusting herself off._

**Bobby:** I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp!

**Jubilee:** Sorry— *manly voice* Uhh, I mean…sorry you had to see that.  

_With her fist, she taps him on the shoulder._

**Jubilee:** You know how it is when you get those manly urges and you just have to kill something…*slaps her hand* fix things…uh…cook outdoors.

**Pyro:** *whispers to Jubilee* Don't overdo it.

_Bobby raises an eyebrow, but say nothing of her ramblings._

**Bobby:** What's your name?

**Jubilee:** Ahh…I…uh…

_Evan steps forward, getting into her face._

**Evan:** Your commanding officer just asked you a question.

**Jubilee:** Uhh, I've got a name.  Huh.  And it's a boy's name, too.

**Pyro:** *whispers* All right, all right.  Don't rush me.  Try…uh…ah, Chu!

**Jubilee:** Ah Chu.

**Bobby:** Ah Chu?

**Pyro:** Gesundheit.  Hehe, I kill myself.

**Jubilee:** _I'll_ kill you in a second if you don't give me a name, Mushu.

**Bobby:** Mushu?

**Jubilee:** No.

**Bobby:** Then what is it?!

**Pyro:** *whispers* Ping!  Ping was my best friend growing up!

**Mulan:** It's Ping.

**Bobby:** Ping.

**Pyro:** *mutters* Of course, Ping _did_ steal my girl—

_He is silenced as Jubilee reaches back and holds his mouth shut._

**Jubilee:** Yes.  My name is Ping.

**Bobby:** Let me see your conscription notice.

_He takes the notice from Ping-Jubilee and reads the name._

**Bobby:** Fa Zhou?  _The_ Fa Zhou?

**Evan:** I didn't know Fa Zhou had a son.

**Jubilee:** He…uh…doesn't talk about me much.

_She tries to hawk up a loogie, but the saliva just runs from her mouth.  The other recruits laugh._

**Evan:** I can see why.  The boy's an absolute lunatic.

_Bobby turns to the rest of the recruits._

**Bobby:** Okay, gentlemen.  Thanks to your new friend, Ping, you'll spend tonight picking up every single grain of rice.  And tomorrow, the real work begins.

_They all growl at Jubilee._

_Pyro pops out the front of Jubilee's armor._

**Pyro:** You know, we have to work on your people skills.

_Cut to…Jubilee sleeping in her tent.  Pyro winds up Cri-Kee Jamie's wings, so that he rings like an alarm clock._

**Pyro:** All right, rise and shine sleeping beauty.  C'mon…hup hup hup!

_He raps on her head at each "hup."  She groans, pulling the covers over her head.  Pyro yanks them off altogether._

**Pyro:** Get your uniform on.  Get ready.  Got breakfast for you.  Look, you get porridge, and it's happy to see you.

_He hops on her knee with a bowl of porridge.  When she looks in the bowl, it looks like a smiling face, with two eggs for eyes and a bacon smile.  Cri-Kee Jamie pops up out of it._

**Pyro:** Hey, get out of there. You gonna make people sick!

_He uses chopsticks to push Cri-Kee Jamie out of the porridge._

**Jubilee:** *sleepily* Am I late?

_Pyro starts feeding her._

**Pyro:** No time to talk.  Now remember, it's your first day of training, so listen to your teacher and no fighting.  Play nice with the other kids, unless of course one of the other kids wanna fight.  Then you have to kick the other kid's butt.

**Jubilee:** *mouth full of food* But I don't wanna kick the other kid's butt.

**Pyro:** Trust me, you will.  Don't talk with your mouth full.  Now let's see your war face.

_Jubilee looks at him with wide eyes, and chipmunk cheeks full of food._

**Pyro:** *sarcastically* Ooh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.  C'mon scare me, girl!

_She swallows her food and gives a frightening glare._

**Jubilee:** Rrrrrrrr!

_Pyro rolls back into the half-eaten bowl of porridge._

**Pyro:** Oh, that's my tough looking warrior.  That's what I'm talking about.  Now, get out there and make me proud!

_He ties up her hair, so she looks like Ping-Jubilee again._

_Khan whinnies and pokes his head into the tent._

**Pyro:** What do you mean, the troops just left?

**Jubilee:** They what?!

_She hurriedly puts on her clothes and jumps out of the tent, running off to join the other recruits.  Pyro calls after her._

**Pyro:** Wait, you forgot your sword!

_Cri-Kee Jamie hops beside him as he pretends to wipe away a tear._

**Pyro:** My little baby off to destroy people.  *sniffle*

_Cut to…the troops muddling around near Bobby's tent.  Evan enters from the left._

**Evan:** Order people, order!

**Roberto:** I'd like a pan-fried noodle, please.

~*rimshot*~

**Fred:** Mmm…noddles…

_Ling and the others begin to laugh._

**Ray:** Moo goo gai pan over here!

**Evan:** That's not funny.

_Jubilee comes running up to the group.  Pietro is the first to notice._

**Pietro:** Looks like our new friend slept in this morning.  Helloooo, Ping.  Are you hungry?

_She stops between Pietro and Lance._

**Lance:** Yeah, 'cause I owe you a knuckle sandwich.

_He grabs her by the collar, drawing back his other arm.  Jubilee hides her face with her hands.  Pietro looks away, closes his eyes, and puts his fingers in his ears so that he won't hear/see anything._

**All Soldiers:** Yeah!

**Bobby:** SOLDIERS!

_The soldiers all line of quickly.  Bobby takes off his shirt and grabs a bow and quiver of arrows.  Jubilee is duly impressed by his physique. There is a wolf-whistle from somewhere off-screen, but no one knows where exactly.  _

**Bobby:** You will assemble swiftly and silently every morning.  Anyone who acts otherwise will answer to me.

_He slowly walks down the line of soldiers.  On the way, he passes by Lance, who rolls his eyes._

**Lance:** Oooh.  Touch guy.

_Bobby turns swiftly around with an arrow pointed towards him._

**Bobby:** Yao.

_All the recruits take a step back, leaving Lance stranded.  At the last moment, Bobby points the arrow skyward and shoots it into the to of a high pole._

**Bobby:** That you for volunteering.  Retrieve the arrow.

**Lance:** *bows* I'll get that arrow, pretty boy.  And I'll do it with my shirt _on_.

_He pauses briefly, blinking._

**Lance:** Did I just call him _pretty boy_?

Come on, boys.  Stick to the script.

_He prepares to leap onto the pole, when Bobby stops him._

**Bobby:** One moment.  You seem to be missing something.

_Evan brings out two large, bronze disks.  Bobby takes out one and holds it for the troops to see._

**Bobby:** This represents discipline.

_He hands the weight to Lance.  It falls to the ground, taking Lance's arm with it._

**Bobby:** …and this represents strength.

_He hands the other weight to Lance, making him fall to the ground.  The rest of the troops laugh, while Jubilee looks concerned._

**Bobby:** You need both to reach the arrow.

_Lance tries to climb the pole, but slides down under the excessive weight.  Pietro, Fred, and Jubilee each take their turn, and each fall down._

_Jubilee rubs her sore behind as she walks away, passing in from of Bobby._

**Jubilee:** owowowowowowow…

**Bobby:** *sigh* We've got a long way to go.

**cue music: "I'll Make a Man Out of You"**

[Bobby tosses staffs to each of the soldiers.  However, Lance intercepts Jubilee's staff and trips her with it.]

**Bobby:** _Let's get down to business_  
            _To defeat the Huns_

[He tosses up two clay pots and breaks them apart with his staff.  The recruits all put their staffs out at arms length.]

**Recruits:** Hua!

**Bobby:** _Did they send me daughters_  
            _When I asked for sons?_

[Pietro puts a cricket down Jubilee's back, causing her to flair erratically.]

            _You're the saddest bunch I ever met_

[Most soldiers fall as she moves uncontrollably.]

            _But you can bet before we're through_

[Bobby does some somersaults in the air, landing near Jubilee.  He takes a pole the stomach before stopping her and taking away the staff.  Then he grabs her by the collar.]

            _Mister, I'll make a man out of you._

[Pyro pops out, snickering.]

**Pyro:** Good luck on that one.

[Jubilee smacks him, so that he falls to the ground, dazed.]

[Bobby steps on a lever, throwing three targets into the air, which he hits with three arrows from one bow.]

**Ryo:** *off-screen* Amateur.

**Bobby:** _Tranquil as a forest_

[The recruits all try and fail.  Jubilee gets ready to fire when Pyro sticks a target on her arrow.  Shocked, she pauses to look at him.  Bobby sees the target and looks disdainfully at her.  She tries to smile innocently]

_But on fire within_

[Bobby balances a bucket of water on his head, holding a staff.  The recruits all fire stones at him, which he easily deflects by twirling the staff rapidly]

            _Once you find your center_  
            _You are sure to win_

[Jubilee tries her turn, wobbling with the bucket of water on her head.  As the recruits throw stones at her, the bucket tips over onto her head.  She peeks out from under the bucket sheepishly from the ground.]

            _You're a spineless, pale, pathetic lot_  
            _And you haven't got a clue_

[Bobby stands in a flowing river.  He jerks his hand into the water, retrieving a fish.  Jubilee tries the same thing, but only manages to retrieve Lance's foot.  Pyro pops out of the water with a fish for her, but she just rolls her eyes.]

            _Somehow, I'll make a man out of you_

[The soldiers all run through a field of fire arrows.]

**Fred:** _I'm never gonna catch my breath!_

**Lance:** _Say goodbye to those who knew me_

[Pietro bangs his head on a stone slab]

**Pietro:** _Boy, was I a fool in school for cutting gym_

[Bobby practices martial arts with Jubilee.  With a punch in the face, he knocks her back into a tree, where Pyro acts as a boxing coach.]

**Pyro:** _This guy's got 'em scared to death_

[He pushes Jubilee back out into the ring.]

**Jubilee:** _Hope he doesn't see right through me_

[The boys are hopping across poles protruding from water.  Fred pauses on one, causing Bobby and the others to pile into him.]

**Fred:** _Now I really wish that I knew how to swim!_

**Chorus:** _Be a man!_

[Cannon fire misses the target in the middle of an open field.  Pietro kicks the support structure out from Jubilee's cannon, and it begins to fall.  Jubilee quickly grabs the cannon, and it fire high and back towards the camp, landing and exploding Evan's tent.]

**Bobby:** _We must be swift as the coursing river_

**Chorus:** _Be a man!_

**Bobby:** _With all the force of a great typhoon_

**Chorus:** _Be a man!_

**Bobby:** _With all the strength of a raging fire_

[Bobby looks over the camp from the hill, not looking pleased]

            _Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_

[The troops carry their poles on their shoulders, bags of grain hanging from either side, as they trudge up a mountain.]

            _Time is racing towards us_  
            _'Till the Huns arrive_

[Fred points Bobby's eyes back to a struggling Jubilee, who falls to the ground.  Cri-Kee Jamie and Pyro try to help her up, but hide as Bobby comes up to her.  He picks up her pole, puts it on top of his, and returns to the troops.  Jubilee looks rejected.]

            _Heed my every order_  
            _And you might survive_

[Bobby hands the reigns of Khan to Jubilee]

            _You're unsuited for_ _the rage of war  
            So pack up, go home, you're through  
            How could I make a man out of you?_

[Jubilee turns to leave, when she sees the pole.  A determine looks comes on her face as she grabs the weights for another try.]

**Chorus:** (_Be a man_!)  
            _We must be swift as the coursing river_

[After sliding down yet again, she gets an idea.  Tossing the weights together behind the pole, they tie to form one strip of cloth she can use to shimmy up the pole.]

            _(Be a man!)_  
            _With all the force of a great typhoon_

[As the sun begins to appear over the horizon, a number of recruits come out of their tents and cheer her on.]

            _(Be a man!)_  
            _With all the strength of a raging fire_

[Bobby come out of his tent, rubbing his eyes.  The arrow he shot up onto the pole suddenly lands at his feet.  He looks up and sees Jubilee casually sitting on top of the pole, a look of pride on her face.]

**Jubilee:** No wonder the others couldn't do it.  Ever seen a boy shimmy?  Not a pretty sight.  (1)

**Chorus:** _Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_

[A number of scenes play during the last repeat of the chorus: troops hitting all targets with their arrows correctly…Jubilee racing in front of Bobby and the recruits with the pole and weights on her shoulders…Jubilee kicking Bobby in the face with a round house during their next sparring match, and Bobby looking pleased…Fred doing acrobatics on the poles as the troops follow…as the staffs are thrown to the troops, Lance once again intercepts, but this time hands Jubilee hers…Lance running through the arrows…and the troops all practicing their staff training in tight formations.]

            _(Be a man)_  
            _We must be swift as the coursing river_  
            _(Be a man)  
            With all the force of a great typhoon  
            (Be a man)  
            With all the strength of a raging fire_

[In staff practice the troops all simultaneously jump-kicks into the air—"Hya!"]

_Mysterious as the dark side of the moon_

**end song**

*          *          *          *          *          *

(1)—This comes from an ongoing joke back during "Leader of the Pack."  Many of the dance numbers required girls _and_ guys to shimmy back & forth.  Those of us watching from backstage were in hysterics watching the boys.  Just try to picture it yourselves.

*          *          *          *          *          *

Whoo!  That was fun.  Not to mention, about ten pages long—not bad.  Next chapter _will_ be up this weekend.  

R+R.  You know you wanna….


	5. Bath Time

Okay, honestly…who ever heard of closing school because it's too _cold_?!  Granted, it must be close to thirty below outside with wind-chill and the roads are covered in ice, but still.  Oh, well.  Don't see me complaining.   

As a little unimportant side note…this chapter was written while I listened to a medley of Disney songs.  And may I just say that Donny Osmond (singing voice of Li Shang) had one of THE most amazing voices.  *sigh*

*          *          *          *          *          *

_Cut to…Apocalypse sitting on top of a tree.  He cuts off the very top with his sword.  The falcon swoops by, dropping a doll into his hands.  Apocalypse takes it…sniffs it…looks surprised…and drops down to the ground, tossing the doll to Juggernaut._

**Apocalypse:** What do you see?

_Juggernaut feels the doll in his hands._

**Juggernaut:** Black pine from the high mountain.

_Sabertooth takes it from him, but Calliban notices and removes a small piece of white hair as the doll passes by him._

**Calliban:** White horse hair.  Imperial stallions.

**Sabertooth:** *sniffs doll* Sulfur, from cannons.

**Apocalypse:** This doll came from a village in the Tung Shao Pass, where the Imperial Army's waiting for us.

**Poitr:** We can avoid them easily.

_Apocalypse shakes his head._

**Apocalypse:** No, the quickest way to the Emperor is through that pass.  Besides, the little girl will be missing her doll.  We should return it to her.

_They all grin evily._

_Cut to…Jubilee by the lake with Pyro, Khan, and Cri-Kee Jamie._

**Pyro:** Hey, oh, ah, no…this is _NOT_ a good idea.  I should know—I'm the master of not good ideas, you know.  What if somebody sees you?

_Jubilee pokes her head out from behind the reeds._

**Jubilee:** Just because I look like a man doesn't mean I have to smell like one.

**Pyro:** Yes it does.  Didn't you read the handbook?

_Ignoring him, Jubilee runs by, jumping into the lake with a splash._

**Jubilee:** Ahhhh.

**Pyro:** Okay, all right, all right.  That's enough.  Now c'mon, get out before you get all pruny and stuff.

_He holds out a towel for her, covering his eyes with one hand._

**Jubilee:** Mushu, if you're so worried, go stand watch.

**Pyro:** Yeah, yeah…

_He starts walking in a womanly fashion, speaking in a feminine voice._

**Pyro:** Stand watch, Mushu, while I blow our secret with my stupid, girly habits.  *normal voice* Humph.  Hygiene.

_An alarmed Jamie starts tugging on Pyro's "whiskers._

**Jamie:** Chirp, chirp!

**Pyro:** how many times do I have to tell you, boy…SPEAK ENGLISH!

_Jamie takes the Cri-Kee/English dictionary and whacks Pyro over the head with it._

**Jamie:** CHRIP.  CHIRP.

**Pyro:** You kiss your mother with that mouth?

**Lance:** *off-screen* Me first!  Me first!  Me first!

_Lance, Pietro, and Fred run by Pyro, oblivious to his presence, and smacking him in the face with three pairs of boxers…correction: two boxers and a pair of tightie whities._

…not even gonna ask.

_Pyro gasps._

**Pyro:** Ah, we're doomed!  There're a couple of things I know they're bound to notice.

_Lance and Pietro jump into the water.  Fred gingerly dips a toe in to check the temperature, then jump in, causing a huge tidal wave.  Lance and Pietro ride the wave towards Jubilee.  Seeing them, she hides her face behind a lily pad._

**Lance:** *calls out* Hey, Ping!

_Jubilee peeks over the lily pad, trying to use it to cover her chest._

**Jubilee:** *nervously, in unnaturally-manly voice* Oh, hi guys.  I didn't know you were _here_.

_The three share a "this boy is strange" look._

**Jubilee:** I was just washing…so now I'm clean, and I'm gonna go.  Bye bye now!

_She hides behind a rock, keeping her front facing the rock at all times.  Unfortunately, Pietro is right behind her._

**Pietro:** Come back here.  I know were jerks to you before, so let's start over again.

_He extends a hand._

**Pietro:** I'm Ling.

_Covering her chest with her left arm, Jubilee turns and shakes his hand, smiling but laughing nervously.  She then turns and wades away from Pietro…only to run into Fred._

**Fred:** And I'm Chien-Po.

**Jubilee:** H-hello, Chien-Po.

_Lance is standing on top of a rock, looking down at the others.  Jubilee looks down into the water, covering her eyes and blushing madly._

**Jubilee:** Okay, I did _not_ need to see that….

**Lance:** And I am Yao, king of the rock!  And there's nothin' you girls can do about it.

_Pietro takes a fighting stance._

**Pietro:** Oh, yeah?  Well, I think Ping and I could take you.

_He elbows Jubilee, who is still trying desperately to wade away._

**Jubilee:** I really don't want to take him anywhere.

**Pietro:** Hey, wait!  Ping, we have to fight!

**Jubilee:** No we don't.  Really.

**Pietro:** C'mon, don't be such a g—OUCH!  Something bit me!

_Pyro pops up out of the water between Jubilee and Pietro._

**Pyro:** _NEVER_ doing that again.

_He starts gagging.  Pietro sees him, and shouts with fear._

**Pietro:** SNAKE!

**Pyro:** Dragon, not snake.  Different species.

_The three boys all climb up on the rock, and on each other, to get away from the "snake."_

**Fred:** SNAKE!  SNAKE!

**Jubilee:** *sarcastically* Oh, yeah.  These are the big, brave men I'm supposed to act like.

_She whistles for Khan and wades back to shore.  Khan comes close enough so that she can hide behind him, wrapping a towel around herself immediately._

_Cut to…Lance, Pietro, and Fred sitting on the rock.  They've managed to calm down somewhat.  Pietro turns to Lance._

**Pietro:** Huh.  Some king of the rock!

_He pushes him off._

_Cut to…Jubilee, with the towel wrapped around her._

**Jubilee:** Whew.  That was close.

_Pyro is frantically brushing his teeth._

**Pyro:** *mouth full of toothpaste* No, that was vile!  You owe me big!

**Jubilee:** I never want to see…a naked man…again.

_Suddenly, the rest of the troop all runs by—all naked, of course—and jumps into the lake.  Jubilee just stares at the scene, wide-eyed._

**Jubilee:** Oh…my…God…

**Pyro:** And yet, notice how Li Shang/Bobby is not among them?

Leave the fourth wall out of this, Pyro!

_Cut to…Jubilee standing outside Evan's tent, having dressed fully.  Evan and Bobby are talking from inside._

**Evan:** You think your troops are ready to fight?  Hah!  They would not last a minute against the Huns.

**Bobby:** They've completed their training.

**Evan:** These _boys_ are no more fit to be soldiers than you are to be Captain.

**Bobby:** …this would, by any chance, be revenge for taking your place in the X-men after you left, is it?

**Evan:** Damn straight, boy.  Once the General reads my report, your troops will never see battle!

_From outside the tent, Pyro looks appalled._

**Pyro:** That boy really holds a grudge, doesn't he?  Well, I've worked too hard to get Mulan into this war.  *to Cri-Kee Jamie* This guy's messing with my plan.

_Bobby grabs onto the front of Evan's clipboard._

**Bobby:** We're not finished.

_Evan hastily pull the board away._

**Evan:** Be careful, Captain.  The General may be your father, but I am the Emperor's council.  And, oh, by the way…I got that job on my _own_.

_He opens the entrance of the tent for Bobby._

**Evan:** You're dismissed.

_Bobby storms out of the tent, passing by Jubilee._

**Jubilee:** *manly voice* Hey, I'll hold him and you punch, heh heh…

_He walks by without reacting.  She calls out again, this time sincerely._

**Jubilee:** Hey, for what it's worth, I think you're a great captain.

_Bobby pauses to look back, almost smiling, then continues forward.  Meanwhile, Pyro notices the fixed gaze Jubilee has on him._

**Pyro:** I saw that!

**Jubilee:** *innocently* What?

**Pyro:** You like him, don't you?

**Jubilee:** …no.

**Pyro:** Yeah, right.  Sure.  Look, go to your tent.

_Jubilee walks away with a feint look of delight.  Pyro turns to Cri-Kee Jamie._

**Pyro:** I think it's time we took this was into our own hands.

_He runs his hands together eagerly._

*          *          *          *          *          *

Next time: The boys (and Ping-Jubilee) head out to war, complete with another musical number!  I know a lot of you have been waiting for this one, so I'll try to have it up by tomorrow afternoon.

R+R.  You know you wanna…. 


	6. A Girl Worth Fighting For

Ugh.  Sorry 'bout not updating yesterday—this harsh weather is really getting to me.  I've been balancing respiratory issues with the heater and a cold from the sub-zero temperatures.  That, and I've got midterms coming up this week and I am _freaked_.

A good piece of news, however, is that I finally found an .avi converter that actually WORKS.  For those codex-illiterate, what that means is any .avi files I download, I can convert them into viewable video files.  ^_^  

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

kurrty girl--*rolls eyes* Normally, I can ignore "criticism" like this, but honestly…you need to calm down.  In case you people haven't realized this yet, I almost NEVER do anything just because a reviewer told me to.  And on the rare occasion I do, it WON'T be from somebody whining and trying to play the discrimination card.  Just because I don't use a particular character doesn't mean I hate him/her; it means I can't fit that particular character into a role, that's all.  

Remember something, _minna_…I write these things for _fun_.  If I continue getting childish complaints like these, I'll stop posting.  That's a promise.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

_Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie wait outside of Evan's [newly pitched] tent.  Evan emerges, draping a towel over one arm…which conveniently covers everything from view.  He whistles as he walks off.  Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie enter the tent, where Cri-Kee Jamie uses an official sheet of paper to write up a letter._

_Seconds later, he finishes and hands it to Pyro._

**Pyro:** Okay, okay, let me see what you've got.  "From General Li.  Dear son, we're waiting for the Huns at the pass, and it would mean a lot if you'd come and back us up."

_He puts the paper down and rolls his eyes._

**Pyro:** *sarcastically* That's great, except you for, "and since we're all out of potpourri, maybe you wouldn't mind bring up some."  

**Jamie:** Chirp-chirp!

**Pyro:** Well, that's what I get for asking a twelve year old to write something…*to Cri-Kee Jamie* Helloooo, this is the ARMY.  Make it sound more urgent, please.  You know what I'm talkin' about?

_Cri-Kee Jamie nods and starts writing again.  Pyro peeks over his shoulder._

**Pyro:** That's better.  Much better.  Ooh…vivid details.  Lovely, lovely.  There's hope for you yet, kid.

_He grabs the note._

**Pyro:** Okay, let's go.

_Cut to…Khan drinking water from the trough.  Pyro is on his back._

**Pyro:** Kahn-y, baby, hey, we need a ride.

_Khan casually squirts Pyro of his back with water from his mouth._

**Pyro:** If there's one thing I hate, it's a backwasher.  Bleh!

_Cut to…Evan walking out of the lake, towel wrapped around his waist.  Sounds of laughter can be heard from the troops._

**Evan:** *muttering* Insubordinate ruffians…

_He briefly turns to call back, waving one fist as he clutches to the towel with his other hand._

**Evan:** I'll get you for that, Maximoff!!!  You hear me?!

_His ranting are cut short, however, as a giant panda bear walks in front of him.  He jumps back nearly a foot before noticing the "rider" on top of it.  In reality, it's a dummy with Pyro using sticks to move the dummy's arms, while Cri-Kee Jamie works the mouth._

_The "rider" hands Evan a letter._

**"Rider" (Pyro):** Urgent news from the general!

_Evan looks over the panda warily._

**"Rider" (Pyro):** What's the matter.  You've never seen a 'black and white' before?

**Evan:** Only at the zoo…hey, who are you?

**"Rider" (Pyro):** Excuse me!  I think the question is "who are _you_?"  We're in a war, man!  There's no time for stupid questions.  I should have your hat for that, snatch it right off of your head.

_The panda starts to walk forward as Pyro swipes at Evan's hat—which wasn't there before, but is now because I say so—with one of the arms._

_As he passes by, the "rider's" body turns around so it continues to face Evan._

**"Rider" (Pyro):** But I'm feeling gracious today, so carry on before I report you.

_Evan watches them ride off down the road, out of sight, before opening the letter.  He glances over the contents, then runs into Bobby's tent._

**Evan:** Captain!  Urgent news from the General: we're needed at the front.

_Cut to…up in a nearby tree, where Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie are hiding._

**Pyro:** Pack you bags. Cri-Kee, we're moving out.

_The two of them high-five one another._

**cue music: "A Girl Worth Fighting For"**

[The troop marches up a hill in nearly perfect synch.]

**Chorus:** _For a long time we've been_  
            _Marching off to battle_

**Lance:** _In a thundering herd_  
            _We feel a lot like cattle_

[Cut to…a cow in the nearby pasture.]

**Cow:** Moo.

[Cut to…the troops marching.]

**Chorus:** _Like the pounding beat_  
            _Our aching feet_  
            _Aren't easy to ignore_

[Pietro suddenly catches up to Lance and Fred.]

**Pietro:** _Hey!_  
            _Think of instead…_  
            _A girl worth fighting for_

[The three boys stare upwards dreamily.]

**Jubilee:** …huh?

[Pietro grabs her, drawing her close while pulling out a centerfold.]

**Pietro:** _That's what I said_  
            _A girl worth fighting for_

**Jubilee:** I'm starting to see some of that typecasting again…

[Cut to…and artistry section, where the images are drawn like painted people.  Pietro is seen looking at a very lovely picture of Rogue.]

**Pietro:** _I want her paler than the moon_  
            _With eyes that shine like stars._

[Lance looks upwards, where we can see an imagined image of Kitty gushing over a gaping wound in his chest.]

**Lance:** _My girl will marvel at my strength_  
            _Adore my battle scars_

**Fred:** _I couldn't care less what she'll wear_  
            _Or what she looks like_  
            _It all depends on_  
            _What she cooks like…_

[Instead of a specific girl, Fred's imagination takes the shape of him sitting in a large bowl of rice as a cow, pig, and chicken fall beside him.]

**Fred:** _Beef…pork…chicken…_

[The last of the images fade into statues the troops have just passed.]

**Lance/Pietro/Fred:** Mmm.

[Lance looks at Jubilee while crossing a river with swords over their heads.  Jubilee looks disgusted and tries to hurry forward.]

**Lance:** _Bet the local girls thought_  
            _You were quite the charmer_

[Pietro appears, with armor full of water to make him look muscular.]

**Pietro:** _And I'll bet the ladies_  
            _Love a man in armor_

[The water leaks out, making him look like his uber-skinny—yet still adorable—self.]

**Chorus:** _You can guess what we_  
            _Have missed the most_  
            _Since we went off to war._

[Pyro sees Wanda, Dani, X23, and Rahne working in the rice field from his hiding place in the cannon carriage.  He whistles to them.  Cri-Kee Jamie looks shocked.  X23 looks cross, but the other girls giggle at Jubilee, who tries to hide her face.]

**Pietro:** _What do we want?_

**Chorus:** _A girl worth fighting for!_

[Jubilee walks away from Lance, and accidentally into Fred.]

**Lance:** _My girl will think I have no faults_

**Fred:** _That I'm a major find_

[Jubilee finds herself caught between the three boys, who all look up dreamily, waiting for her input.]

**Jubilee:** Uh…  
            _How 'bout a girl who's got a brain?_  
            _Who…always speaks her mind?_

[The boys look like they're thinking about it for half a second, before their expressions take on a look of disappointment and disgust.]

**Lance/Pietro/Fred:** Nah!

**Jubilee:** *mutters* chauvinists…

[Pietro grabs Jubilee by the shoulder and causally leans on her.  When she takes his hand off and shakes her head, he instead leans against the cannon carriage.]

**Pietro:** _My manly ways and turn of phrase_  
            _Are sure to thrill her_

[Lance hits Khan so the carriage runs from out of him.  Pietro looks upset, then falls in the mud without the weight.]

**Lance:** _He thinks he's such a lady-killer!_

**Jubilee:** Yup…definite type-casting…

[Evan steps forward, joining in.]

**Evan:** _I've a girl back at home_  
            _Who's unlike any other._

[Lance leans over to half-whisper, half-sing to Jubilee.]

**Lance:** _Yeah, the only girl who'd love him_  
            _Is his mother!_

[Jubilee smiles.]

[The army men all line up, locking arms across each other's shoulders.  Jubilee is stuck in the middle, to her discontent.]

**Chorus:** _But when we come home in victory_  
            _They'll line up at the door!_

**Pietro:** _What do we want?_

**Chorus:** _A girl worth fighting for!_

**Pietro:** _Wish that I had_

**Chorus:** _A girl worth fighting—_

[The entire army immediately halts in their tracks, looks of completely and total shock upon their faces.]

**end song**

_Cut to…ruins of a burned-out village.  The soldiers walk through the singed gate and look around at a few planks that remain from the buildings._

**Bobby:** Search for survivors.

_Cut to…Jubilee walking around the village.  She finds the doll Apocalypse had been holding in an easlier scene, and holds it sorrowfully._

_Bobby comes to her side, eyes darting around._

**Bobby:** I don't understand.  My father should have been here.

_Evan suddenly calls out from the top of a hill overlooking a valley._

**Evan:** Captain!

_He points down to the valley, where the remains of General Warren's army can be seen.  Flags poking up out of the snow…armor lying face down…broken cannon carts._

_Pietro, Lance, and Jubilee have a look of horror on their faces as they enter the valley.  Fred walks up to them, carrying a helmet.  He hands it to Bobby._

**Fred:** The General…

_Bobby wordlessly takes the helmet and walks to the edge of the hill.  Drawing his sword, he stabs it upright into the snow before kneeling down and placing the helmet on top of the sword._

_Jubilee approaches him from behind._

**Jubilee:** *softly* I'm sorry.

_Bobby gets up, turns around, and puts a hand on Jubilee's shoulder as he walks by, as a way of expressing his gratitude.  He walks to the center of the troops, grabs his horse by the saddle, takes one last grieving look, and then mounts his horse._

**Bobby:** The Huns are moving quickly.  We'll make better time to the Imperial City through the Tung Shao Pass.  We're the only hope for the Emperor now.  Move out!

_Jubilee looks at the sword, takes out the doll she found, and places the doll at the base of the sword.  She then turns around and joins the rest of the troops marching onward._

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

Next time: Some major action as our troops come face-to-face with the Hun army.  Plus…Jubilee's secret is discovered!

R+R.  You know you wanna…


	7. The Secret's Out

I survived midterms!  *does the happy dance of exam victory*  And with three more days left of testing at school…that means I now have three whole days off while my brother still has to go to school in the morning.  ^_^  I love being a Senior.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

Phobia—thank you for the compliments, but like I said before, parodies are just for fun.  I prefer to save the seriousness and originality for my other fanfics.  Also, script-format is easier to read in stories like these, and I like it better.  

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

_Cut to…Jubilee walking next to Khan, who is saddled to the cart with the cannons.  A cannon blast shoots out of the cart suddenly and explodes in the air.  The troops all look shocked.  Jubilee glances back with a scowl into the hole created in the canopy._

_A very guilty Pyro tries to look innocent while pointing to Cri-Kee Jamie, who points back at Pyro._

**Pyro/Jamie:** He did it!

_Bobby charges up to her on his horse, with Evan right behind._

**Bobby:** *angrily* What happened?!

**Jubilee:** *stumbling* Uhhh…

**Bobby:** You just gave away our position.  Now we're—

_An arrow hits him in the shoulder suddenly.  He falls to the ground, and tries to pull out the arrow._

**Bobby:** Get out of range!

_The troops hurriedly run away as many arrows start falling from the sky in every direction.  Jubilee pulls Khan by the reins to hurry him up.  Fire arrows starts hitting the cart with cannons attached to Khan, and the cart canopy begins to blaze with fire._

**Pyro:** *from inside* ooh…pretty…

**Jubilee:** Not now, Pyro.

**Bobby:** Save the cannons!

_The troops form a human chain and start taking the cannons out of the burning cart one by one, while Jubilee desperately tries to steady Khan and keep him from bolting in fear._

_Fred grabs many and hauls them out on his own.  Go, Fred!_

**Fred:** Thank you.

_The rest of the troops grab as many as they safely can, while Jubilee cuts Khan free from the cart and rides him away from the fire.  Just then, the cart explodes, sending Jubilee flying.  Her helmet and sword fall, landing near where she lands._

_Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie also are sent flying.  Pyro lands clumsily on his head, while Cri-Kee Jamie manages a graceful landing._

**Cri-Kee Jamie:** Chrip!

**Pyro:** *mutters* Showoff…

_Khan, who is safe and sound, walks by them towards Jubilee._

**Pyro:** Oh, sure.  Save the horse.

_Jubilee gets up, grabs Pyro with her right hand and the sword with her left, and runs to the troops positions.  Khan and Cri-Kee Jamie follow._

_The other recruits set up what's left of the cannons against some nearby rocks, dodging another set of arrows._

**Bobby:** Fire!

_They launch at the mountain, where a number of archers are stationed.  Unfortunately, Apocalypse's army is able to avoid most of the fire._

**Bobby:** Fire again!

_Jubilee, Fred, and Pietro launch a second wave of cannons at the archers…but no more arrows are seen coming from the mountain position._

**Bobby:** Hold the last cannon!

_Lance pauses, ready to light his cannon.  Apocalypse and his troops appear at the top of the mountain._

**Bobby:** Don't fire 'till you see the whites of their eyes.

**Fred:** But what if they're wearing masks?

**Bobby:** DON'T ARGUE, JUST DO IT!

_Fred cowers back at the sheer volume of his voice, despite Bobby being roughly half his size._

**Bobby:** Prepare to fight.  If we die, we die with honor.

_Apocalypse raises his sword high above his head and charges down the mountain.  The falcon flies off his shoulder at the sound of his war cry.  A big-ass army of Huns follow._

**Bobby:** Yao, aim the cannon at Shan-Yu.

_The line of troops with Jubilee draw their swords._

_Jubilee looks down at her sword and sees the reflection of a large snow embankment hanging to the side of a cliff.  Getting an idea, she rushes forward and grabs the last cannon from Lance, pushing his aside._

**Lance:** Hey, that was my cannon!

**Bobby:** Ping, come back!  Ping!

_She charges forward towards the oncoming horde of Hun soldiers, still led by Apocalypse.  Pyro looks over her shoulder, the worry clearly showing in his eyes.  Bobby starts to run after her, waving his arms._

**Bobby:** Stop!

_Once a good distance closer, Jubilee plants the cannon and aims it for the cliff.  Pyro, thinking she's aiming for Apocalypse, sees him riding closer to their position and tugs on her collar._

**Pyro:** I'm seein' the whites of their eyes, girl…

_She takes out the flint and tries to light the fuse, but the falcon swoops by, knocking Jubilee down and scattering the flint._

**Falcon:** *a la Nelson* Ha-ha!

_Lance sees this and turns to Pietro and Fred._

**Lance:** Come on, we've gotta help!

_They get up and start to charge towards her._

_Jubilee searches for the flint in the snow desperately, unable to find it.  She sees Pyro, grabs him, and points his mouth towards the fire._

**Jubilee:** All right, dragon boy…do you're stuff.

**Pyro:** *grins* I thought you'd never ask.

_Pyro takes a deep breath and blows on the cannon.  Very discreetly, he pulls a lighter out of his pocket-space (a.k.a—plot hole trick number 7) and uses it to light the fuse._

_It fires, just above the charging Apocalypse._

**Pyro:** You missed him!  How could you miss?  He was three feet in front of you!

_The cannon lodges in the snow and explodes, causing the beginning of a large avalanche.  _

_Jubilee stares up at Apocalypse with an uncharacteristically(?) evil grin on her face as he watches in horror the events unfolding before him.  Many of his troops begin to get swallowed up by the oncoming snow, which is heading for him._

_Apocalypse recollects himself long enough to focus in on Jubilee._

**Apocalypse:** Yrrrrrrraaaaaahh!

_He swipes at Jubilee with his sword, hitting her on the right side of her stomach.  She falls back, clutching the wound as Apocalypse's horse stumbles.  Using this break, she manages to bold away from the oncoming avalanche._

**Lance:** You called?

_Not you…that. *motions to oncoming snow*_

_Regaining his composure once more, Apocalypse gallops away from the snow on his horse._

_Bobby looks on with shock as he also sees the snow heading straight for him.  Jubilee grabs him as she passes by, helping him up so they can both run to safety._

_Meanwhile, Lance, Pietro, and Fred all run towards their friends…_

**L/P/F:** Yeeaaahhhhh!

_…but stop when the sees the avalanche, turn around and run back to where they came from._

**L/P/F:** Waaaaaaaaa!

_Khan jumps away from the troops and starts to run towards Jubilee, passing the three boys, just as the avalanche swallows up Apocalypse on his horse.  He reaches her, and Jubilee jumps onto the horse.  She reaches for Bobby.  Their hands touch, but the avalanche rushes forth, breaking their grip._

_Cut to…Pyro sliding down the snow, using a shield like a snowboard._

**Pyro:** Wheeeee!

_Along the way, he calls out Jubilee (Mulan)'s name.  Hair sticking up from out of the snow catches him attention._

**Pyro:** Mulan?

_He grabs it, and Sabertooth's head pops out of the snow._

**Sabertooth:** Arrrrr.

_Pyro pushes him back under._

**Pyro:** Nope.  Not Mulan.

_He sees Cri-Kee Jamie and picks him up by the antennae._

**Pyro:** Man, you are one lucky bug.

_Cut to…Jubilee riding Khan above the snow, into the teeth of the avalanche.  Khan and Jubilee are swept under the snow, but reemerge quickly.  She looks back and sees Bobby passed out, riding the wave._

**Bobby:** Surf's up!

~*rimshot*~

Why can't you people stay unconscious for more than two seconds, hmm?

**Jubilee:** Shang!  Shang!

_She calls out to him, but when he doesn't answer, turns Khan around and picks him up._

_Cut to…Fred, with Pietro standing on him, and Lance standing on top of Ling._

**Pietro:** *groaning* Why do you get to be on top?  You must be at _least_ twenty pounds heavier than me!

**Fred:** Do you see them?

**Lance:** I spy with my little eye…

**Pietro/Fred:** YAO!

**Lance:** Yes!  

_He shoots an arrow with a rope attached…_

**Lance:** Perfect!  Now, I'll pull them to safe—

_…then grabs air as the rope completely passes through his hands._

**Lance:** Oh, crap.

_Cut to…Jubilee and Bobby on Khan, with Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie riding up to her on the shield._

**Pyro:** Hey, Mulan!  I found a lucky cricket!

**Cri-Kee Jamie:** Chirp!

**Jubilee:** We need help!

_Lance's arrow lands nearby.  _

**Jubilee:** That'll do.

_Jubilee picks it up and starts to tie the rope to Khan.  Pyro gets off the shield and onto Jubilee's shoulders, carrying Cri-Kee Jamie with him._

**Pyro:** Ooh, nice, very nice.  You can sit by me.

_He places Cri-Kee Jamie next to him, then sees that they're about to fall off a cliff.  The camera zooms in to a close-up of Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie's looks of terror._

**Pyro:** We're gonna diiiiiiiieeee!   We're gonna diiiiiieeeee!  I'm gonna throw up, then we're gonna diiiiiiieeeee!

_Cri-Kee Jamie takes out a piece of paper with the words "Last Will & Testament" and starts furiously writing._

_Jubilee grabs the arrow, aims, and shoots it back towards Lance just as they go over the cliff._

_Cut to…Lance, who is overdramatically sobbing._

**Lance:** I let them slip through my fingers…

_The arrow conveniently lands in his hands.  After getting over the initial shock, he grabs on and is pulled towards the cliff.  The other soldiers grab onto him, holding him steady near the cliff's edge.  The rope quickly grows taut as it is stretched to its maximum length._

**Lance:** Pull!

_Fred stands off to one side, praying silently before he calmly walks up to the group of soldiers.  The men struggle to pull the rope, but he lifts them all up and pulls backwards, hauling the boys [and Jubilee] upwards._

_Cut to…the boys [and Jubilee].  Pyro wipes the sweat off his brow, then turns to Cri-Kee Jamie._

**Pyro:** I wasn't scared.  Were you?

_Cri-Kee Jamie shakes his head, tearing up the paper behind his back.  Pyro looks up at Jubilee and gives her a thumbs up._

**Pyro:** You da man!  …well, sorta.

_She gives him a Look, but smiles all the same._

_Cut to…the top of the hill, as the soldiers (well…Freddie) helps them up the cliff._

**Pietro:** Step back guys, give 'em some air.

_Bobby, who has regained consciousness, catches his breath as he looks to Jubilee._

**Bobby:** Ping, you are the craziest man I've ever met…and for that, I owe you my life.  From now on, you have my trust.

_Jubilee's smile can't be any wider as the others start cheering for her._

**Pietro:** Let's hear it for Ping!  The bravest of us all!

**Lance: **You're king of the mountain!

_Fred jumps up and down excitedly._

**Fred:** Yes!  Yes!  Yes!

_Jubilee begins to stand up, but immediately clutches her side in pain._

**Jubilee:** Ahh.

**Bobby:** Ping, what's wrong?

_He knees down, concerned.  When Jubilee removes her hand, a large wound is revealed with blood on her hand and seeping through the armor._

**Lance:** *blinks* Blood?  I thought this was a Disney movie.

_Bobby turns his head and calls to the others._

**Bobby:** He's wounded.  Get help!

_Jubilee begins to pass out.  The images of Bobby, Lance, Pietro, and Fred begin to fade as she loses consciousness._

**Bobby:** Ping, hold on.  Hold on…

_Cut to…outside a medical tent.  Bobby stands by the entrance, with Lance, Pietro, and Fred looking quite concerned nearby.  The silence is almost deafening as they wait to hear word from the medic._

_Ryo comes out of the tent and whispers something to Bobby.  He looks astonished, and follows her back inside._

_Jubilee is lying down.  She wearily opens her eyes and smiles at the sight of Bobby.  As she sits up, however, the blanket falls to her waist, revealing her form-fitting bandages around her torso and chest.  Upon seeing Bobby's shocked expression, she realizes her feminine form is noticeable…_

**Jubilee:** *rolls eyes* Well, _duh_!

_…and gasps as she tries to cover herself with the sheet._

**Jubilee:** Huh, I can explain!

**Ryo:** *amused* Can't wait to hear this one.

_Evan steps into the tent._

**Evan:** Huh?  So it's true.

**Ryo:** You.  Out.  Now.

**Evan:** But—

_She all but pushes him out the tent, leaving Bobby and Jubilee alone._

_Bobby's expression is unreadable as he stares down at her. Wordlessly, he turns and heads outside.  She calls vainly after him._

**Jubilee:** Shang!

_Cut to…outside the tent, where Evan hauls Jubilee out by the arm.  She uses her free hand to hold to the blanket._

**Evan:** I knew there was something wrong with you.

_He takes off her hair tie, and throws her to the ground._

**Evan:** A woman.

_Lance, Pietro, and Fred are shocked._

**Pietro:** Well, that explains a few things…

_Jubilee knees on the ground, hunched over.  She speaks to Shang, but doesn't look him in the eye._

**Jubilee:** My name is Mulan.  I did it to save my father.

**Evan:** High treason!

**Jubilee:** I didn't mean for it to go this far!

**Evan:** Ultimate dishonor!

**Jubilee:** It was the only way.  Please believe me.

_Evan turns to Bobby._

**Evan:** Hmph.  Captain?

_Bobby walks over to Khan and takes the sword out of its scabbard.  Khan rears back as he sees the blade._

**Evan:** Somebody restrain that horse!

_Bobby walks towards Jubilee with the sword in his hand.  The three boys (Lance, Pietro, and Fred) all try to rush to her._

**L/P/F:** Nooooo!

_Evan holds out one hand to stop them from going any farther._

**Evan:** You know the law.

_Bobby stands over Jubilee, sword in hand.  She looks at him sorrowfully, then bows her head in anticipation.  Evan removes his hat—that again appears because I say so—out of respect._

_He lifts the sword high above his head…then throws it down in front of her.  She looks up at him surprised._

**Bobby:** *emotionlessly* A life for a life.  My debt is repaid.

_He turns and walks towards Imperial City._

**Bobby:** Move out!

_The troops all walk towards the Imperial City, leaving Jubilee behind with Khan, Cri-Kee Jamie, and Pyro.  _

_Jubilee shivers from the cold.  Khan takes his blanket and wraps it around her.  Cri-Kee Jamie lights a fire with twigs, then moves under the blanket wrapped around her.  Pyro walks towards them sadly, muttering._

**Pyro:** I was THIS close.  This cloe to impressing the ancestors, getting the top shelf, and entourage.  Man, all my find work.  Phft!

_He slumps down in front of the fire, glancing up at Jubilee._

**Pyro:** *weakly* Hi.

**Jubilee:** *sadly* I should never have left home.

**Pyro:** Eh, come on.  You wanted to save your father's life.  Who knew you'd end up shaming him, disgracing your ancestors, and losing all your friends.

**Jubilee:** You.  Not helping.

**Pyro:** You know, you just gotta…you gotta learn to let these things go.

_He looks like he's about to cry._

**Jubilee:** Maybe I didn't go for my father.  Maybe what I really wanted was to prove I could do things right.  So when I looked in the mirror…

_She picked up her helmet, and stares at the reflection in its shiny surface._

**Jubilee:** …I'd see someone worthwhile.  But I'm wrong.  I see nothing.

_She throws the helmet down as a tear runs down her cheek.  Pyro picks up the helmet and gives it a spit-shine._

**Pyro:** Well, that's because this just needs a little spit, that's all.  Let me shine this up for ya.  I can see you.  Look at you…you look so pretty.

_Seeing Jubilee is not cheered up by his actions, his face drops._

**Pyro:** Okay, the truth us…we're both frauds.  Your ancestors never sent me.  They don't even like me.  I mean, you risked your life to help people you love.  I risked your life to help myself.  At least you had good intentions.

_Jubilee smiles a little at this._

_Cri-Kee Jamie suddenly jumps on top of the helmet and begins to bawl._

**Cri-Kee Jamie:** Chirp chirp chirp.  Chirp, chirp!  Whaaaaaaa!

**Pyro:** WHAT?!  What do you mean, you're not lucky?!  You _lied_ to me?!

_Cri-Kee Jamie nods guiltily.  Pyro puts his hands on his hips and turns to Khan._

**Pyro:** And what are you?  A sheep?

**Jubilee:** *sadly* I'll have to face my father sooner or later.  Lets go home.

**Pyro:** Yeah, this ain't gonna be pretty.  But don't you worry, 'kay?  Things'll work out.  We started this thing together, and that's how we'll finish.

_Pyro reaches up and gives Jubilee and hug.  She smiles._

**Pyro:** I promise.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

Next time: The threat's not over yet!  Apocalypse is still alive, and he's heading straight for Imperial City.  Only Jubilee can warn the soldiers in time…but how can she, when nobody will listen to a woman?

R+R.  You know you wanna….


	8. I'll Make a Man Out of You reprise

You know, I'm really starting to hate the snow…*glares at the mini-blizzard going on outside* It's all fine and well when it gets you out of school, but there's no point when you didn't have school in first place.  Grr.

Wow.  I was just counting up all my reviews, and this has to be my best parody yet!  Only seven chapters in, and already more reviews than all eleven chapters of _Whodunit? _and all thirteen chapters of _Pyro Powers_.  I feel so loved.  ^_^  Let's see if we can make it to a hundred before the fic ends, 'tay?  There's only about two chapters after this one left, but I think it's possible.  How 'bout it, _minna_?

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

_Apocalypse's falcon is seen flying over the avalanche site.  Suddenly, Apocalypse's hand pops out of the snow.  He pulls himself up and glances around, obviously not pleased with what he sees._

**Apocalypse:** Rrrrrrraaaaaaaahhh!

_Poitr, Sabertooth, Juggernaut, Caliban, and a suddenly-Apocalypse-controlled Xavier suddenly pop out of the snow._ _(…okay, so the script says "Bald Hun Guy #2" and I was out of ideas.  Sue me.)_  _Together, the six men regroup and set off towards the Imperial City._  

_Jubilee sees this from where she sits and gasps.  On her feet at once, she runs to grab her sword, mounts Khan, and heads out to follow the Huns._

**Pyro:** Whoa, whoa, where're you going?  I thought you were over that running-away phase.

**Jubilee:** I have to do something!

**Pyro:** Did you see those Huns?!  They popped out of the snow, like daisies!

**Jubilee:** Are we in this together, or not?

**Cri-Kee Jamie:** Chrip, chirp!

**Pyro:** Well, let's go kick some Huny buns!

_He jumps onto Khan, with Cri-Kee Jamie following._

**Jubilee:** *sings* A hundred and one…pounds of fun…that's my little honey-bun…

Jubilee, what did I tell you about songs from musicals I've been in?

**Jubilee:** Sorry.

_Pyro starts uttering a bunch of incoherent fighting words as they ride off to Imperial City._

_Cut to…the victory parade in the Imperial City.  Fireworks go off.  Kites fly.  A row of drummers march by, followed by the flutist, followed by the acrobats.  Kurt—the Parade Leader—follows them, with Bobby and his men close behind._

**Kurt:** Make way for the heroes of China!

_Bobby leads the troops on horseback.  All of them have very sorrowful looks on their faces, and more than one feel guilty for the attention._

_Jubilee rides up through the crowd and stops.  She darts her head around until she sees Bobby in the parade._

**Jubilee:** Shang!  

_She rides up next to him.  He is obviously surprised._

**Bobby:** Mulan?

**Jubilee:** The Huns are alive.  They're in the city.

**Bobby:** You don't belong here, Mulan.  Go home.

**Jubilee:** Ooh, boy, you are SO glad we're in Imperialistic China right now…

_With a scowl, she rides Khan to his other side, still trying to get his attention._

**Jubilee:** Shang, I saw them in the mountains.  You have to believe me.

**Bobby:** Why should I?

**Jubilee:** Because I _said_ so, that's why.

**Bobby:** Not good enough.

_Groaning in frustration, she rides ahead to block his horse._

**Jubilee:** Why else would I come back?  You said you'd trust Ping…why is Mulan any different?

_Ignoring her, Bobby turns his horse and rides around her before continuing forward.  Lance, Pietro, and Fred pass by._

**Jubilee:** *to boys* Keep your eyes open.  I know they're here.  Hya!

_She rides off and stops near the entrance to the palace, then dismounts Khan and runs into the palace yard._

**Pyro:** Now where are you going?!

**Jubilee:** To find someone who will believe me.

_Cut to…the parade procession halting in front of Emperor Remy, on the steps of the palace.  Evan stands next to Bobby and hands him Apocalypse's sword.  Somebody strikes a large gong and the crowd is silent._

**Remy:** My children…heaven smiles down upon the Middle Kingdom.  Of course, not brightly enough, or I would've been given a better role in this pa—

Remy…

**Remy:** Alright, alright.  Sheesh.  *clears throat* China will sleep safely tonight, thanks to our brave warriors.

_The crowd cheers._

**Crowd:** Yay!

_Like herded cattle.  Heh._

_Cut to…Jubilee at the fringe of the crowd.  She approaches Magneto, laying her hand on his shoulder._

**Jubilee:** Sir, the Emperor's in danger!

_He rips his shoulder from Jubilee's touch, annoyed, and moves away._

**Jubilee:** But the Huns are here!

_She walks up to Beast._

**Jubilee:** Please, you have to help me!

_He also walks away.  Frustrated, she turns to Pyro, who is standing near her in the yard._

**Jubilee:** No one's listening to me!

**Pyro:** Huh?  Oh, I'm sorry…did you say something?

**Jubilee:** *irritated* Mushu!

**Pyro:** Hey, you're a girl again, remember?

**Jubilee:** Imperialistic China sucks.

_Cut to…Bobby holding the sword before Emperor Remy._

**Bobby:** Your Majesty, I present to you the sword of Shan-Yu.

**Remy:** I know what this means to you, Captain Li.  Your father would have been very proud.

_Suddenly, Apocalypse's falcon swoops down and takes the sword out of Bobby's hands._

**Falcon:** *a la Nelson* Ha-ha!

_He drops the sword to Apocalypse, who was sitting next to the gargoyles in the shadows, blending in.  Apocalypse rises out of the shadows so all can see his face.  The masses of people gasp at the sight of him._

**Crowd:** Gasp!

_Bobby begins to draw his sword, but all five of Apocalypse's men jump out from behind the dragon, knocking Bobby down and grab Emperor Remy, knocking off his hat.  Caliban and Apocalypse-controled Xavier carry Emperor Remy into the palace._

_Sabertooth and Juggernaut close the huge palace doors, while Poitr readies his bow and arrow to threaten would-be rescue attempts._

_Bobby gets up and runs towards the closed doors, but it is too late._

**Bobby:** No!

_Lance beckons to the other soldiers._

**Lance:** C'mon.

**Apocalypse:** *laughs evilly from inside the doors*  Mua-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaaa!

_Bobby and the others grab a big stone statue and use it for a battering ram.  Needless to say, it doesn't work.  Jubilee sees what's going on and arrives at the steps._

**Jubilee:** I hate to say "I told you so"…no, actually, I don't.

_Realizing they'll never reach Emperor Remy in time, she stares at the columns and runs near Bobby and his soldiers, whistling loudly to catch their attention._

**Jubilee:** Hey, boys.  I've got an idea!

~*cue music: "I'll Make a Man Out of You (reprise)"*~

_(Be a man)  
We must be swift as the coursing river_

[Lance, Fred, and Pietro look at one another, then drop the statue and follow Jubilee.  Bobby looks more than astonished.]

_(Be a man)  
With all the force of a great typhoon_

[Around the corner, the boys begin to take off their armor, and put on the most LOVELY kimonos and dresses.]

*snicker*

**Lance:** Not ONE word, you…

[Once the transformation is complete, they saunter up to a respective column—as does Jubilee in her own outfit—and remove their sashes, wrapping them around the column.]

_(Be a man)  
With all the strength of a raging fire_

[Jubilee feels someone tap her on the shoulder.  She turns to see a smirking Bobby take off his cape and wrap it around the column as well.]

_Mysterious as the dark side of the moon…_

[The boys—and Jubilee—shimmy up the poles together.]

**Jubilee:** Huh, whadoya know?  I guess some guys _can_ shimmy after all…

**L/F/P/B: **It's a gift.

~*end music*~__

_Cut to…Caliban and Apocalypse-controlled Xavier arriving with Emperor Remy at a high balcony within the palace.  Apocalypse drops down from the roof._

**Apocalypse:** Boo.

**Remy:** *rolls eyes* Please, is that supposed to scare me?

_Apocalypse steps into the balcony next to Emperor Remy and speaks to Caliban and Apocalypse-controlled Xavier._

**Apocalypse:** Guard the door.

_The two walk off down the stairs that lead to the balcony.  Left alone, Apocalypse begins pacing around the emperor._

**Apocalypse:** Your walls and armies have fallen, and now it's your turn.  Bow to me.

**Remy:** *casually* You know, I would, but I've been having these _awful_ back problems lately….

_Cut to…the entrance of the stairwell that leads to the balcony.  Caliban and Apocalypse-controlled Xavier come down the stairs and close the door, joining Poitr, Sabertooth, and Juggernaut._

_Jubilee and company are just around the corner._

**Jubilee:** *whispers* Okay, any questions?

**Pietro:** Actually, yes…does this dress make me look fat?

_He stands up straight and looks down at his outfit, only to have Jubilee slap him upside the head._

**Pietro:** Ow!  I was just asking…

**Jubilee:** *rolls her eyes* There's that typecasting again….

*          *          *          *          *          *

Next time: Our lovely ladies…*snickers*…take on the remaining Hun soldiers.  

R+R.  You know you wanna….  


	9. The Final Battle

Okay, I have a slight dilemma.  After a bunch of searching, I managed to find a transcript of _Nightmare Before Christmas_…but it either just listed who was speaking and what was said (a.k.a—no description of what was going on), or was some odd "first draft" edition, kind of like the _Austin Powers_ except NOT as cool as the original.  If anybody out there knows where I can find a GOOD copy of the script, ~please~ let me know!

As for this chapter, all I can say is that I had an extremely difficult time typing it up and keeping a straight face.  So much action, so many scenes that'll be hard to forget anytime soon.  *sigh* Now I remember why I love this movie so much.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

_Jubilee, Lance, Pietro, and Fred walk out smiling, gigging and trying to act lady-like.  Each of them has a fan in his/her hand, and waves it in front of their faces.  Together, they draw the Hun's attentions._

**Poitr:** Who's there?!

_Caliban takes a closer look at them._

**Caliban:** Concubines.

**Xavier:** _Ugly_ concubines.

_Pietro leans slightly in and whispers to Lance._

**Pietro:** *whispers* The bald one's mine.

_Lance nods, but tries to feign a smile as he waves daintily at the Huns._

**Lance:** *forced, to Pietro* Oh, he's so cute!

_Apocalypse-controlled Xavier and Caliban both wave back, look at one another, and start arguing over who Lance is talking about.  It gets pretty ugly, believe me._

_Meanwhile, an apple suddenly falls out from beneath Pietro's dress.  He gasps and immediately turns so as not to expose the suddenly loss of figure._

_Lance opens his mouth to comment, but thinks better of it._

**Lance:** Nah.  Too easy.

_High above, Apocalypse's falcon sees this and starts to squawk.  A sudden burst of fire singes his feathers off.  The camera pans up to reveal a smirking Pyro._

**Pyro:** *kiss his lighter* Now that's what I call Mongolian Barbeque.

~*rimshot*~

_Cri-Kee Jamie rolls on his back in laughter.  The falcon is too stunned to do anything about it._

_Meanwhile, Poitr gentlemanly walks over and picks up the apple, offering it back to Pietro.  Pietro flutters his eyes a few times before the boys all pull out the fruit they were using to simulate a woman's chest._

_Fred takes his watermelons and smashes them on the heads of Apocalypse-controlled Xavier and Caliban.  He then smashes their two heads together so that they fall to the ground._

**Caliban:** *as he passes out* Nice melons…

~*rimshot*~

Damnit, who keeps doing that?!

_Cri-Kee Jamie quickly puts away the miniature drum set._

_Pietro pushes the apple into Sabertooth's mouth and kicks him in the stomach, causing him to stoop over on the ground.  Pietro then uses his head to crack the guy's back._

_Juggernaut tries to punch Lance, but misses.  In the blink of an eye, Lance grabs the outstretched arm and flips Juggernaut over, just as Jubilee kicks away Poitr's bow and arrow.  She immediately follows with a left elbow to the stomach and a left upper-cut, knocking Poitr to the ground._

_Before Poitr can react, she sits on his back and uses the bow to pull his head back._

**Jubilee:** Shang, go!

_Bobby runs out from behind the corner, charges through the door, and runs up the stairs._

_Cut to…Apocalypse and Emperor Remy on the balcony._

**Apocalypse:** I tire of your arrogance, old man.

**Remy:** "Old man"?!  Says the Egyptian mummy…

_Growling in frustration, Apocalypse holds the blade of his sword to Remy's throat._

**Apocalypse:** Bow to me!

**Remy:** No matter how the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow to it.

_Apocalypse blinks._

**Remy:** That means "no," jackass.

**Apocalypse:** Then you will kneel in pieces.

_He draws back his sword to strike, but Bobby runs up just in the knick of time to block with his own sword.  He swipes at Apocalypse with his own sword.  Apocalypse grabs his arm and throws him towards the edge, but Bobby grabs onto a column and flies over the edge, using the momentum to swing back and give Apocalypse a good kick._

_Apocalypse falls to the ground with Bobby on top of him.  Punches fly.  A fantastic struggle ensues._

_Jubilee, Fred, Lance, and Pietro enter the balcony from the stairway._

**Jubilee:** Chien-Po, get the Emperor!

_Fred stands before Emperor Remy and bows._

**Fred:** Sorry, your Majesty.

**Remy:** Sorry?  For wha—

_Before he can finish his sentence, Fred lifts Remy up and carries him over to Jubilee, who is by a rope attached to a column in the balcony.  Fred uses his sash as a pulley and rides down the rope to the ground._

**Fred:** Wheeeeee!

_Apocalypse watches them leave._

**Apocalypse:** *sigh* I lose more Emperors that way.

_He uses his free arm to elbow Bobby in the face, then gets up and head-butts Bobby, throwing him to the ground._

_Jubilee watches him fall, her eyes darting over the edge to Lance and Pietro, who are now on the ground waiting for her to follow._

**Lance:** Come on!

_She looks back to Bobby, who is unconscious, with a worried look.  Apocalypse begins to approach her and the rope.  Thinking quickly, she grabs his sword and uses it to cut the rope.  Apocalypse reaches the edge and grabs for the falling rope, but is unsuccessful._

_Jubilee leaves the sword embedded in the column, running to Bobby._

_Down below, the crowd cheers._

**Crowd:** Yay!

**Apocalypse:** NO!

_Looking down, Apocalypse realizes that he can't find the Emperor anywhere among the mass of people gathered.  Needless to say, he is not pleased._

**Apocalypse:** Yrraaaaaahhhhh!

_He turns and looks back to see Jubilee holding up Bobby.  Pulling out his sword, he heads for them._

_Bobby slowly regains consciousness just in time to see Apocalypse approaching.  He quickly puts his arm in front of Jubilee to protect her, taking out his knife._

**Crowd:** Awwww.

_Jubilee slides away.  Apocalypse comes up to Bobby, knocks away his knife, slaps him in the face, and grabs him by the shirt collar._

**Apocalypse:** You.  You took away my victory.

**Bobby:** Actually, I believe that was Rogue.

**Apocalypse:** Not that one!  You took away my victory on the mountain!

_Jubilee's shoe hits Apocalypse in the head, drawing his attention._

**Jubilee:** No!  I did!

_She pulls her hair back to look like she did as a soldier.  Apocalypse looks at her, stunned._

**Apocalypse:** The soldier from the mountains…

**Jubilee:** Nice to see you remembered me.

_Dropping Bobby, he starts after Jubilee.  She puts on her shoe and runs down the stairs, through the doors, and out the balcony, closing the door. The latch falls in place right behind her._

_As she leans against the doors, Apocalypse punches a hold through with his fist.  She runs away, down the corodor._

_Pyro, riding Apocalypse's falcon like a horse, catches up to her._

**Pyro:** So, what's the plan?

**Jubilee:** Umm…

**Pyro:** You don't have a plan?!

**Jubilee:** Hey, I'm making this up as I…

_She looks out a window and spies the fireworks tower._

**Jubilee:** …go.  Mushu—

**Pyro:** Way ahead of you, sister.  C'mon, Cri-Kee!

_Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie jump onto a kite, using the wings to soar over towards the fireworks tower._

_Cut to…Apocalypse.  He breaks through the doors and catches up to Jubilee, swinging his sword wildly and knocking down a support column with every swipe.  Jubilee runs and ducks each blow, climbing onto a column to get out of his reach._

_Apocalypse slices the base of the column, causing it to fall and break through the outer wall.  Jubilee screams as it falls and comes to a stop.  She manages to get up on the bean and jumps up to catch onto the awning.  To her right, she spies Pyro arriving at the fireworks tower._

_Cut to…the fireworks tower.  Pyro lands right near Kurt and Todd (the firework lighters) on the edge._

**Pyro:** Citizens, I need firepower!

**Kurt:** Who are you?

_Using the wings from the kite, he and Cri-Kee Jamie create a frightening image among the shadows._

**Pyro:** I…am…BATMAN!

**Kurt/Todd:** *scream like girls*

_Frightened, the two hug one another in fear before jumping off the tower, plunging to the ground.  They land in a giant cart full of hay that is conveniently placed for their safety._

_Cut to…Jubilee, as she pulls herself onto the roof and climbs up to the crest._

**Crowd:** On the roof!  Look!

_She carefully lines herself up with the fireworks tower across the way.  Apocalypse breaks through from behind, surprising her.  Jubilee back away, searching for something—ANYTHING—that could possible help her._

_Reaching into her pocket, she finds a fan, takes it out, and opens it._

**Apocalypse:** It looks like you're out of ideas.

_He lunges with his sword.  Jubilee dodges to her right, allowing the sword to go right through the fan.  Closing it back up, she twists it with both hands so that Apocalypse looses his grip.  The sword goes flying towards her and she catches it by the handle, slipping off the fan with her sword movement._

**Jubilee:** Not quite.  Ready, Mushu?

_Behind Apocalypse, we see Pyro tied to a large rocket._

**Pyro:** I was born ready.

_Lighting up a stick, he passes it upwards to Cri-Kee Jamie, who stands on top of the firework._

**Pyro:** Light me!

_Cri-Kee Jamie lights the fuse._

_Using the sword as a lever, Jubilee lunges at Apocalypse, kicking him in the face and then giving him a good sweep-kick as he falls to the ground.  She then picks the sword back up and stabs it into Apocalypse's cape, pinning him to the ground._

_The rocket on Pyro's back ignites and hurls him towards Apocalypse.  Jubilee hits the ground, and Apocalypse sees the approaching rocket.  He tries to run, but is pinned by the sword.  The rocket hits him square in the belly, propelling him toward the firework tower._

**Apocalypse:** This…will not end pleasant…

_Pyro grabs into the sword for an anchor, freeing himself from the rocket.  Cri-Kee Jamie hangs onto his tail.  Jubilee gets up and starts running as far away from the fireworks tower as possible, grabbing Pyro and Cri-Kee Jamie as she goes._

**Jubilee:** Get off the roof, get off the roof, get off the roof!

**Pyro:** Don't have to tell me twice!

_The rocket takes Apocalypse all the way into the fireworks tower, causing a mass of explosions and fireworks flying everywhere.  Propelled by the explosion, Jubilee grabs onto a nearby lantern and starts to slide down the rope it was hanging on._

_Glancing down, she releases her grip…and lands on Bobby, sending the two of them to the ground.  Apocalypse's sword lands on the ground nearby._

**Bobby:** You really _are_ crazy, aren't you?

**Jubilee:** I think the answer to that should be obvious by now.

_Pyro goes flying backwards, landing on his butt.  He points to the fireworks and starts giving off that trademark hysterical laugh we all know and love from the "Cajun Spice" episode._

**Pyro:** Oh, man, this is better than watching Magneto blow up…

_He catches a dazed Cri-Kee Jamie, who falls towards him._

**Pyro:** You are a lucky bug.

_He punches out the tiny fire on Cri-Kee Jamie's antenna._

_Cut to…Evan, walking down the stairs in a tattered (and slightly charred) outfit._

**Evan:** That was a deliberate attempt on my life. Where is she?  Now she's done it…what a mess!

_The boys all push Jubilee behind them to protect her._

**Evan:** Stand aside.  That creature's not worth protecting.

**Bobby:** She's a hero.

**Evan:** 'Tis a woman.  She will never be worth anything.

**Jubilee:** Don't _make_ me come over there.

_Angered, Bobby grabs Evan by the shirt collar._

**Bobby:** Listen, you pompous—

**Remy:** That is enough!

_Everyone turns to see Emperor Remy walking down the stairs._

**Bobby:** Your Majesty, I can explain…

_Emperor Remy motions for him to step aside.  Bobby, Fred, Pietro, Lance, and company all part, giving the Emperor a clear path to Jubilee, who steps forward and bows before him._  _Behind him, Evan stands, waiting to write down the words of the Emperor._

**Remy:** I've heard a great deal about you, Fa Mulan.  You stole your father's armor…ran away from home…impersonated a soldier…deceived your commanding officer…dishonored the Chinese armor…destroyed my palace…

**Jubilee:** You make it sound like a _bad_ thing.

**Remy:** AND…you have saved us all.

_He bows to Jubilee.  Evan looks at Emperor Remy's actions in astonishment, then immediately bows as well.  Likewise, Bobby, Lance, Pietro, and Fred follow suit._

_Jubilee looks up, then turns around in time to see the entire Chinese population within the palace grounds—and believe me, that's a LOT of people—fall prostrate on the ground in a wave-like pattern, all bowing to her._

_Khan bows, with Pyro and Cri-Kee on his back.  Pyro looks on proudly with tears in his eyes._

**Pyro:** My little baby's all grown up and savin' China…*to Cri-Kee Jamie* You have a tissue?

_Cri-Kee Jamie pulls out a box of tissues and hands them out.  The two proceed to delicately dab at their eyes before looking at one another and collapsing into hysterical tears (a la Timone & Pumba)._

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          

Next time: The moment we've been both waiting for and dreading…the Finale!  ~*dun-dun-dun*~

R+R.  You know you wanna….


	10. True to Your Heart

Well…it's over.  Again.  These things sure do go by quickly, don't they?  

Anyways, this chapter was probably left the most "intact" from the original, because I honestly loved it too much to really touch anything.  If there's one thing _Disney_ movies have over anime, it's a more satisfying ending.  Shame they have to go and ruin it by making all those sequels.  Ugh.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

Phobia—again, thank you for the compliments, and please don't think I'm blatantly ignoring your suggestions.  On the contrary, I greatly appreciate you taking the time to share your opinion.  It's not often you find someone willing to offer such constructive criticism over _decent_ issues as the ones you brought up, compared to others (who will go unmentioned at this time).  

To be honest, I _have_ looked up a few parodies written in the way you're suggesting…and never made it past the first chapter.  Not to say that they aren't well-written.  It's just that I like my way better, just as you seem to prefer your way.  Like I always say: to each his/her own!  ^_^

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

_Remy is the first to stand up, turning to address Evan._

**Remy:** Chi Fu.

**Evan:** Your Excellency?

**Remy:** See to it that this woman is made a member of my council.

**Evan:** *mutters* A member of your coun…

_Realization dawns on him at what the Emperor has just said._

**Evan:** B-but there are no council positions open, Your Majesty.

**Remy:** Very well then…

_Evan smirks, thinking he has prevented Jubilee's reward.  Remy, however, nods his way._

**Remy:** *to Jubilee* You can have his job.

**Evan:** WHAT?!

_Jubilee smiles gratefully, then turns to Emperor Remy and bows._

**Jubilee:** With all due respect, Your Excellency, I have been away from home long enough.

_Remy shows a look of understand, and instead takes the pendant from around his neck._

**Remy:** Then take this, so your family will know what you have done for me.  And this…

_He hands her the sword of Apocalypse._

**Remy:** …so the world will know what you have done.

_Jubilee takes the sword, looks at it in awe for a moment before getting up and hugging Emperor Remy.  Remy is slightly surprised by her actions, but gently returns the hug._

_Lance watches this in amazement before leaning towards the others._

**Lance:** Is…she allowed to do that?

_Bobby, Pietro, and Fred shrug, smiling sheepishly._

_Jubilee slowly steps away from the Emperor, only to be embraced by Lance and Pietro.  Fred comes up from behind and lifts all three of them off the ground in a big bear hug._

**Jubilee:** *gasping* Air…

**Fred: **Oops.  Sorry.

_He puts then back down in a hurry._

_Jubilee walks towards Bobby and stops in front of him.  As he begins to speak, she starts to smile, anticipating something good._

**Bobby:** *nervously* Um…you…you fight good

_Though she is clearly disappointed, Jubilee tries not to show it._

**Jubilee:** Oh.  Thank you.

_She turns and walks towards Khan.  Bobby watches her leave and grunts with disappointment in himself._

_Jubilee mounts Khan, taking hold of the bridle._

**Jubilee:** Khan, let's go home.

_Khan makes a fantastic leap down the steps and gallops on the flat parts until he hits ground level.  The crowd cheers all the while._

**Crowd:** Yay!

_Meanwhile, Emperor Remy makes his way over to Bobby, who has yet to tear his eyes away from Jubilee's retreating form._

**Remy:** The flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful of all.

**Bobby:** …huh?

**Remy:** You don't meet a girl like that every dynasty.

_With a wink, he puts on his hat and walks back up the steps to his palace, leaving Bobby deep in thought._

_Cut to…Jubilee's home, where Logan sits beneath the blossom trees.  One single blossom falls and lands on his leg.  Jubilee appears at the threshold and moves towards him._

_Logan sees her approaching and begins to stand._

**Logan:** Mulan.

_She quickly moves in front of him, kneeling so that he would sit back down._

**Jubilee:** Father, I brought you the sword of Shan-Yu.  And the crest of the Emperor.

_She hands him the items and bows her head._

**Jubilee:** They're gifts to honor the Fa Family.

**Logan:** My, my, we've been a busy little runaway, haven't we?

_Logan suddenly takes the gifts and throws them down to the ground beside him, much to Jubilee's surprised.  He bends down and holds her arms outstretched._

**Logan:** The greatest gift and honor is having you for a daughter.  I've missed you so.

_He wipes away her tears and hugs her tightly._

**Jubilee:** I've missed you too.

_Ororo and Agatha watch from the doorway.  Ororo sighs happily at the sight, but Agatha rolls her eyes._

**Agatha:** Great, she brings home a sword.  If you ask me, she should have brought home a ma—

_Her mouth is left open in shock as she sees Bobby, just is just arriving._

**Agatha:** …never mind. 

**Bobby:** Excuse me…does Fa Mulan live here?

_She and Ororo wordlessly point towards Jubilee's position, staring at the boy wide-eyed.  He nods a thank you and passes by.  Agatha watches him closely, speaking to Ororo._

**Agatha:** Whoo, sign me up for the next war!

_Bobby sees and approaches Logan first, bowing politely and speaking with confidence._

**Bobby:** Honorable Fa Shou, I—

_He notices Jubilee and is caught off guard._

**Bobby:** Mulan!

_Jubilee steps forward.  Seeing this, Bobby grows nervous and speaks with less security._

**Bobby:** Uh…uh…you forgot your helmet.  Ah, but well…actually, it's your helmet, isn't it?

_He hastily shoves the helmet towards Logan._

**Bobby:** I mean…

_Logan, slightly amused at the boy's unease, motions with his head for Jubilee to take over.  She holds the helmet that he offered and smiles reassuringly._

**Jubilee:** Would you like to stay for dinner?

**Agatha:** *off-screen* Would you like to stay forever?

_Jubilee shakes her head with a smile at this, while Bobby blushes faintly._

**Bobby:** Dinner would be great.

_Cut to…Magneto grinning happily as he looks at the scene through the temple window.  He watches Jubilee hand the helmet back to Logan._

_Pyro climbs up to the windowsill near Magneto's head, smirking._

**Pyro:** Who rules?

**Magneto:** *sighs, forced* You do.  

**Pyro:** Damn, straight.  And don't you _forget_ it, neither.

_Pyro not-so-subtly motions towards the guardian pedestal.  After a moment, Magneto sighs in defeat._

**Magneto:** Oh, all right.  You can be a guardian again.

**Pyro:** Yay! 

_He gives Magneto a big Bugs Bunny smooch, then runs to his post.  Magneto furiously wipes his mouth in disgust._

**Magneto:** Ugh.  Remind me again where I find these flunkies?

_Pyro hops up to his post proudly._

**Pyro:** Take it, Cri-Kee!

_Cri-Kee Jamie bangs the gong, awakening all the ancestors._

**Cri-Kee Jamie:** Wakey, wakey, tofu eggs and bakey!

**Pyro:** …you can TALK?!

~*cue music: "True to Your Heart"*~

_ Baby, I knew at once that you were meant for me_  
_Deep in my soul, I know that I'm your destiny_

[Raven does a dance from _Pulp Fiction_, while (not Apocalypse-controlled) Xavier does the Hand Jive in his wheelchair.]

**Raven:** *to Xavier* She gets it from my side of the family, you know.

**Mesmero:** What?  Cross-dressing?  I can see that…

[Raven glares at him, then does a spin-kick to his stomach, sending him flying.]

_Though you're unsure, why fight the tide?_  
_Don't think so much; let your heart decide_

[Pyro swings on a chain as he holds out a plate.]

**Pyro:** Call out for egg rolls!

[Magneto rests his elbows on the windowsill, rolling his eyes.]

**Magneto:** *disgusted* Guardians…

_Baby, I see your future and it's tied to mine_  
_I look in your eyes and see you searching for a sign_

[Pyro does an awesome flip onto the steps outside the temple.  Jubilee comes up beside him.]

**Jubilee:** Thanks, Mushu.

[She gives him a kiss on the forehead.  Pyro gets a happy look on his face and falls over.  Jubilee giggles.]

_But you'll never fall 'till you let go_  
_Don't be so scared of what you don't know_

**Lockheed:** Bark-bark-bark-bark-bark-bark-bark—

[Lockheed comes running up the steps and into the temple with the bag of grain tied to him.  The chickens quickly follow.]

**Magneto:** *annoyed* MUSHU!

**Pyro:** I didn't do it!!!

_True to your heart_  
_You must be true to your heart_  
_That's when the heavens will part_  
_And baby, shower you with my love_

_Open your eyes_  
_Your heart can tell you no lies_  
_And when your true to your heart_  
_I know it's gonna lead you straight to me_

[Bobby, Lance, Pietro, and Fred suddenly appear with microphones in their hands.]

**Bobby:** _Someone ya know is on your side_  
            _Can set you free_  
            _I can do that for you if_  
            _You believe in me_

**Lance:** _Why second-guess_

**Pietro:** _What feels so right?_

**Fred:** _Just trust your heart_

**Bobby:** And you'll see the light

**B/L/P/F:** _True to your heart_  
            _You must be true to your heart_  
            _That's when the heavens will part_  
            _And, baby, shower you with my love_

_Open your eyes_  
            _Your heart can tell you no lies_  
            _And when you're true to your heart_  
            _I know it's gonna lead you straight to me_

[Evan suddenly appears as well.]

**B/L/P/F:** _You know it's true_

**Evan:** _Your heart knows what's good for you_

**B/L/P/F:** _Good for you_

[Remy appears.]

**Remy:** _Let your heart show you the way_

**B/L/P/F:** _You know it's true_

[Pyro appears.]

**Pyro:** _It'll see you through…_

[Cri-Kee Jamie appears during the brief musical interlude and starts break-dancing in the spotlight.]

[As the camera cuts back to the boys, we see Jubilee now standing in the center, with Bobby singing to her.]

**Bobby:** _Girl, my heart is driving me to where you are_  
            _You can take both hands off the wheel_ a_nd still get far_  
            _Be swept away_  
            _Enjoy the ride._  
            _You won't get lost_

**Jubilee/Bobby:** _With your heart to guide you_

[The rest of the cast all appears on stage for the repetition of the chorus.]

**All:** _True to your heart_  
            _You must be true to your heart_  
            _That's when the heavens will part_  
            _And, baby, shower you with my love_

            _Open your eyes_  
            _Your heart can tell you no lies_  
            _And when you're true to your heart_  
            _I know it's gonna lead you straight to me_

[The rest step back, leaving Bobby, Lance, Pietro, and Fred.]

**B/L/P:** _When things are getting' crazy_

**Fred:** *low baritone* _Crazy_

**B/L/P:** _And you don't know where to start_

**Fred:** _Where to start_

**B/L/P:** _Keep on believin', baby_

**Fred:** _Baby_

**B/L/P:** _Just be true to your heart_

**Fred:** _To your heart_

**B/L/P/F:** _When all the world around you_           
            _It seems to fall apart_  
            _Keep on believin', baby_  
            _Just be true to your heart…._

~*music slowly fades out*~

**_~Fin~_**

*          *          *          *          *          *          *

And so ends yet another _DragonBlond_ parody.  I hope you've all had as much fun as I have.  Rest assure, just as this is not my first parody, it certainly won't be my last.  ^_^  I like messing with movies.   Now, if you'll excuse me, it's Superbowl weekend…

[dons a cooking pot helmet and grabs a frying pan]

…and this year could get ugly.

R+R.  You know you wanna…. 


End file.
